but you wash over me
shoot through me
entwine yourself
soul to soul with me
like you did
so many times before
and it all just
melts away
i’m steeped in us
the parts that worked
so well together
and i pray
that you really are
with me
in these mystic encounters
knowing
that the reasons you gave
were just anxious lies
self-destructive fantasies
concealing a deeper truth
that you
will never share
with me;
and i hate
that i still ache
for you,
even though i know
that i do not
want you
anymore
unable to tell
your lies from
your truth from
your fears
i can’t be with you
if i can’t find
the floor
and i hate
that i still
ache for you
for us
for the love i thought
we had;
i was
entirely real.
 
what were you?