Help Me Please!
  

Eyes filled with twisted emotions

All screaming for release

Eyes deeper than the ocean

Eyes that whisper…help me please

 

Every word you speak

Every move you make

Every look you seek

Every vow you break

 

Rolls over me like water

Smothering my cries

I can’t go much farther

I’m drowning in your lies

 

I need to know the reason why

I need to know why this failed

I need to know how to say goodbye

I need to break your spell

 

Let me go, end it now…make it fast

Don’t look back, don’t hesitate…it can’t last


Comments:
 
Rach   Rach wrote
on 9/20/2008 3:18:23 AM
this is a really powerful poem my favourite is the first stanza-the way the eyes say so much and the use of the word "twisted" just such a painful image if you were ging for strength and conflict you def got it!

Tony   Tony wrote
on 7/10/2008 7:35:55 AM
Sometimes you know a relationship is not wroking out and you are just begging for your freedom. very well done.

vwhitlock   vwhitlock wrote
on 7/7/2008 8:27:34 AM
Thanks for reading & commenting. Yeah, it's a sad one but I'm glad the strength and conflict of emotions came out too!

StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 7/1/2008 12:44:35 PM
Loved the words and the rhyme. The feelings you had though sad were well said. No one wants to feel like this for it hurts the heart. I think you were brave to be able to write a poem like this despite the fact it hurt so much.

penname   penname wrote
on 6/29/2008 6:13:02 PM
i can't sing worth anything, but i find myself singing this three times to be exact. it was the charm. Great writing. no feedback...just keep writing. inspirational and full of feeling. that makes all the difference in the world. i love the line...eyes that whisper...that is perfect and also with the contrast of screaming. break your spell was wonderful too. and i love the last two lines. it didnt make me sad...it invigorated, empowered me and evoked such feeling.- not sad...or angry...just strong.

vwhitlock
Poetry
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writing vwhitlock
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Rating: 9.7/10

Synopsis
Poem about a doomed relationship - feedback appreciated!
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