Dumbasses of the World Unitie! Or is it Unite? Fuck it, let's all get together and do stuff!
Calling all fellow dumbasses.
We need to do something about this crazy world we live in.
We are tired of all the smarty pants republican douchebags trying to take it over.
We need to be loud and proud!
We need to tell people to stop pushing their beliefs on us, while continuing to push our beliefs onto them.
Believe me it works!

Let's take over the airwaves, the internet, and all of the universe (which has many different species of Aliens who have for a fact landed here and are responsible for such things as the Ipod and instant coffee).

Religion is awesome people! Let's makes sure everyone believes what we believe because we are right and they are wrong. Screw what religious scholars and all those child molesting priests say. They don't know what they are talking about! They've only been doing this shit for 2,000 years. It's time for us to tell the world how it is! Screw the fact that we are all ignorant as hell and don't know a damned thing.

Did you noticed how I didn't say a G*D damned thing. Why? Because that is WRONG! I'm ok with violence. Violence is awesome! Cursing God's name however is bad... Really bad. Especially on tv. Sex is bad too. People are only allowed to discuss  sex with their husband or wife. It is not allowed to be even thought about elsewhere. Especially not on tv. Violence is still cool. Oh, and don't forget that guy from the Muslim religion.  Let's call him Voldemort. We can't talk about, mention his name, or even show a representation of him. That means no Muslim picture Qur' ans kids! We don't believe in him, but let's face it, we don't wanna piss off those extremist terrorist towel heads. Really we should just replace all tv with God tv, cause face it, all tv sucks. It's ALL horrible. The only thing that's good for us is God tv. Believe me, all Jesus and the apostles talked about was God. If Jesus was on twitter, that's pretty much all you would see.

Trust me when I say this. Evolution is WRONG! God didn't want to create a cool chain of events that took billions of years with us as the end result. Who needs science when you have religion? Scientists use big words like space, and big bang to scare us into believing them. Trust me, we are smarter than that. We won't fall for your commi, anti-God bullshit. We need to get together and put creationism back into schools. Notice how I said back? We used to have it, but those asshole constitutionalists decided to separate church and state.  Screw the fact that their are thousands of creation stories out there. We all know ours is the right one. I mean seriously. How else would God create man?

And for those of us who don't believe in religion...
Don't run away! We want you too! We want you to keep tweeting your abortions live, because it really does show people that it's ok. I think we should tweet some live murders too cause violence is way cool. We need you to join us, because anyone who has half a brain won't argue with us.

We also need you to use science to tell us that God doesn't exist. Screw the fact that most scientists believe in God. After all, no one's perfect right?

Oh and let's remove God from everything. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. In God We Trust? What kind of hippie propaganda is that? Fuck tradition! Prayer in government? Take it out! It's annoying and it excludes people like us. That two minute prayer reaches into the soul, that we don't have, and pains the shit out us. Let's fight with those religious douchebags. Remember, we are right and they are wrong. They can believe anything they want to, as long as it's what we believe. Let's make damn sure that they know that they can't push their "Master of Puppets," theory on us, while continuing to push our "Lack Thereof," theory on them.

Let's have reality tv filled with spoiled brats getting drunk and having sex all the time. Let's promote that. It's all a part of being free right? Let's make love a joke. Let's make marriage a joke. Those silly vows, til death do us part. They don't mean that. What they really mean is, til we get bored and want to screw somebody else. Trust me. It's a fact. So let's make a joke of it all, but don't mention Voldemort. We really don't wanna piss those guys off.

Oh, and for you agnostics. You really are stupid. We may be dumbasses but at least we believe, or don't believe, in something! Choose a side. You aren't any fun to argue with. "I don't know," is a dumb answer, so stop saying it because after all, none of us do. None of us have a fucking clue about anything, so pick a side. As long as your a dumbass we need you. You can start by believing in our core belief system which is:

1) Voldemort=bad
2) Violence=supercool
3) Who needs a brain when you have a mouth.

Comments:
 
StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 8/30/2010 1:22:40 AM
Interesting POV. I like the cynicism and the ironic style. And as for dumbasses, it seems there are much more of them today in this hyper smart, technological age. We are supposed to be getting smarter but. . . .

thejackrollins   thejackrollins wrote
on 8/29/2010 7:48:56 PM
Thank you, that means a lot. I'd rather be loved and hated than just one or the other. It seems more fun that way!

OneVoice   OneVoice wrote
on 8/28/2010 9:07:14 PM
This is pretty 'awesome' - dumb$@?. I think this too cutting edge to be appreciated by many. I hope I'm incorrect. Well done Jack... (aka - dumb$@?)

thejackrollins
Journalism
Editorial
writing thejackrollins
You can't live a good life alone. It's like painting with one color. You won't find the true beauty of the picture unless you use other colors too. Sure, sometimes the colors will bleed together and your palate will get messy, but in the end it'll be worth it.
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Published Date
6/8/2010 12:00:00 AM
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