Confusion
Surrounded by people Like watching myself in a movie People talking, singing, music blaring So many thoughts So many mouths opening Everything around me begins to blur I look right at him and he is staring at me He has the goofy smile on his face that drives me crazy All I want is him He catches my eyes, and I don't want to even look his way I just want to touch him His face, his smile His embrace The feeling that he might care
I am staring at this line About to cross it but not quite sure confusion.... Am I doing what I want for me Or do I care what others think to much
I need someone Alone... Feeling alone... It kills me So scared to be alone To not have someone But a stepping stone into becoming me
Every person that has had my heart Has left Every person I needed is gone Every time I needed affection it was gone No one to say "I love you!" Not even my parents But I need it I need them
I am at this standstill of having everything I have ever wanted I own my own home I have steady job and trying to start up my own business I am in school Everything I ever wanted and I never try to include anyone else
Jealous of having everything I don't have Watching him with her Seeing him touch her and rub her arm Caressing her face Then turn to look at me with a smile It kills me It hurts Surrounded by so many people Everything is in a blur Except his face That look I can't explain Can't tell if he wants me too Or is he laughing in my face He's showed my things I have never seen before
My relationship is falling apart We are married and not I am caught in this mess complications lacking feelings Trying to figure myself out Will I? Will I know what I want?
Standing at this line and waiting to cross Do I have the strength to do what I want I am not sure He's my security blanket but I am not in love with him anymore I watch us fall apart, I expect it The small things that he cared about Call me to tell me he is on his way home
I remember watching him walk into the room Smiling with two other girls He was out to have a good time I had to look away Lost, immediate despair and resentment Am I going to be able to see him and be ok Trying to keep my head above the water Trying not to drown Emotions that almost knock me off my feet A whirlwind of feelings....emotions.....just floating No real direction
Sorting things out In my head What do I want Can I have it Is this going to work I look at us and we are not going to Married but not I don't yet have the strength to let my security blanket go We've come so far...but I am almost ready to let go I love him But I'm not in love with him Confused..... What a big mess Drama & such a soap opera that belongs on daytime television It's not me not what I am about but I guess that's life At least for now.
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"Nothing great has ever been achieved without Passion."
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