Am I Gifted or What?
Am I Gifted or What?
by M Paul Burress
It is very difficult to tell about this, on account of I don't want that
'poppanazi outfit' they talk about, a chasing me around sneaking pictures of me and
everything. I’m not right sure I ought to telling about stuff like this anyway,
but I heard someone say this is the age of 'coming out'. Well, here I
come.
I …….. uhhhh, well……… I have this gift, yes a gift, now that's really all you
can call it. I managed to keep it hidden through most of my life. It, and me,
began small and weak, but it developed into something useful and a quite
remarkable ability as well. Let me first say, there are many kinds of gifts and
not all are useful, for instance, my neighbor’s dog leaves me a gift on my
front lawn every day and I have not found that useful. Every time I go down my
driveway past his house, there he is, sitting on his nice clean lawn, I slow
down to a crawl and we just glare at each other. Anyway, I have thought of the
perfect solution to that little problem, Have you ever heard of REGIFTING? I'm
going to begin mailing the doggie's gifts anonymously back to the it's owner.
Okay, back to gifts, now the sort of gift I am referring to is more on the
order of ‘special abilities’, that’s the kind I have. Dad burn dog anyway, I
shouldn’t of brought that business up. Now I’m mad as fire again! ……………… Now
the gift that I have is, “Amplified Directional Hind Sight” I think that is the
technical term for it. I have polished this gift over the years until I can
clearly see what I should have said or, should have done, in merely minutes after it’s absolutely too late to make one bit of difference
what so ever. I’m hardly the man you should select to take on in an argument, I mean
after you're gone I can think of these really intelligent come backs and stuff,
and you can’t answer a word to it. It’s a sight, at the people, and I mean
educated ones too, that I’ve given a real drubbing with stunningly clever
answers after they are miles down the road, and they just simply have to sit and take
it.
Having a gift like this is not only tricky, but can be dangerous too, it’s like
having to drive with a giant rear view mirror in front of you that’s showing
you what you passed several minutes ago, ……….. see now, I told you it’s tricky.
Lately I been wondering, is there more to be gotten out of my gift than I’m
getting? I mean, what if my gift faced just the opposite direction. Foresight
is useful too, there’s been a number of times I could have used a little of
that. I will admit that I tried reversing ‘the gift’ once, “I won’t ever try that
again!”, I’d say the difficulty level, on a scale of one to ten is
....impossible, it would be like making a sharp “u” turn with a high speed
locomotive.
Today as I was working out side, I noticed the man from down the drive headed toward me at a brisk pace, as he neared he called out "Howdy neighbor" so I stopped
what I was doing and sat down on my handy dandy yard boulder next to me. "I saw you up
here, just working away, shoveling something" and I needed to have a talk with you. I
have some bad news I'm afraid, we have to move away, my job has transferred me
to another city. Bad news? Bad news? What Bad news? I’m thinking, where are the
Dallas Cheerleaders when you need them? Furthermore, he continued, the company
has already leased a house for us, but it doesn't except pets. Last night he
said, I gathered the whole family together for the most important decision we
have ever had to make, and we agreed one hundred percent that you had been such nice
neighbor that the only way we could possibly repay your kindness toward us is to give our
dog to you. Please Kind Sir: will you except this dog as our humble thank you gift. Wait!
Wait!I I said I need a moment, I have to try to think. Now, how can anybody
think when they’re are fighting back tears from a collapsing dream? Well ………. I finally said, breaking a three
minute silence, I reckon I'll take him, seeing how we really only have one serious
disagreement 'tween us anyway. As the fellow happily walked away, I started for
my house to tell my wife just how smart a man I actually am. I have fixed the whole problem and the neighbor's dog
from ever messing somebody else’s yard again, I bragged. You see, now it's our dog,
it's his own yard. All I really ever wanted anyway was for him to do his business in his own
yard, and now he will. Hang on a minute, I think I feel 'my gift' starting up, and
it might have something to tell me.
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Synopsis
A man realizes he has the incredible gift of HIND SIGHT and provides it special status in his life.
A Word from the Writer
I am a novice and comments good or bad are appreciated
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