The List:Chapter 1:The Uninvited News

We were stuck, not sure whose limbs were whose. My legs around his chest, his legs around my body, hands intertwined in each other’s hair, lips forming around lips, neck, and chest. As Robert, my boyfriend and one true love, lay by my side he leaned over and said, “ I BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.” What, huh…he was leaving me! I couldn’t let go of him; it was so magical. He was fading away… “BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!” I awoke, covered in sweat, and screaming. My mom came running into my room “What? What’s the matter?”

            “ You know very well the matter is!” I sat there sobbing and replied in a snappy, miserable tone.

            “Oh, Robert?”

            I sighed, wiping away tears that wouldn’t stop falling, “Yeah.”

            “ It’s okay… you’ll pull through, you’re strong, and this will only make you stronger. Come here.” As she sat on the bed I crawled over on to her lap and tucked my head under her chin. Even though I was seventeen I felt like I was three and my gold fish had just died… only worse than that, like all the gold fish in the world had just died and you can’t even replace the one you had lost. As we sat there in the dark rocking back and forth, I pulled away from my mom.

            “ Why me? Why him? It wasn’t even his fault; he was as sober as the day of light, why did it have to be him? He has never committed a crime, never been in a fight, why, hell, he has never even been in the principle’s office let alone failed a test! Why him?”

            “ I’m not sure honey…life’s just not fair, but he is up there looking’ down on you. Can’t you feel it…? I can. Now do you think that he would want you sobbing and carrying on about him? You’re hurting him by crying and isolating your-self from everybody. Do you think he wants to look down and see how much pain you are in?”

            “ No. I guess not, but Mom, it’s just hard. Dad is still alive so you don’t know how I feel. Granted that you don’t get to see dad everyday because he lives in Yale, but you can always run back to him if you want, you can still have love. Mom, I feel like my heart has been ripped right out from inside of me. I am hurting and I want Robert to know that. If I was happy that he died don’t you think that would hurt him even more?”

            “I am not sure honey… but, what I am sure of is that as well as I know Robert he would want you to be out accomplishing all of your dreams. Didn’t you guys as a joke make a list of everything you wanted to do together? Before you grew old?”

            “ Yeah but what the hell does that have to do with anything? Mom, he’s gone; we didn’t get to complete it anyways, I should just burn it.” I got up and went to my dresser. Pulling out a notebook that had all of our memories and the list in it. I was headed to the fire when I felt someone behind me. As I turned around with some sort of hope bubbling inside me, I saw that it was only my mom trying to stop me from burning the book. She grabbed it.

            “ I know how it feels to love and I will do what ever you need me to do so that way you can complete your list. Don’t let me stand in the way of what ever it is. I back you up 100% of the way.”

            “ Mom, you don’t understand, it’s not that easy. Some of the things we have to do together.” She just looked at me puzzled.

            “ Then I will help you with all the double stuff.”

            “Mom it’s not that easy… trust me,” with that said she handed me back the book and told me that if she came home from work and the book was gone I would be punished. When she left I got back in my bed and started to cry some more. I understood everything she said, but I didn’t quite understand why she would want me to complete the list; I mean, if she read it she would understand why I couldn’t do it with her. After a few more hours of sulking I decided to get up and go to the bathroom. When I got there I just stared into the mirror at a once pretty girl with her life planned out; I was going to graduate this year then I was going to get married to Robert and then we were going to go to collage and the years fallowing that we were going to have a family. On top of that my think, brown, chocolate hair, was now straggly, and knotted in a ponytail. As I stared into the mirror I saw how ugly I had became and started to cry some more. I decided that it was time I took a shower and went to school, my mom was right; Robert would be upset if he saw me like this.

            I was all ready for school, getting into my car, when some thing shiny caught my eye. It was a box with a silver bow on top of it labeled, “Jessica.” When I saw my name I couldn’t help but try to see whom it was from. The back of the card said Robert and was dated November 16. That was the night that Robert had gotten in the car accident. He must have put it in there before he went to the party, as an apology because I was mad at him for even wanting to go to the stupid party, I think he even told me he didn’t want to go, the only reason he went was to be designated driver. When that thought rushed into my mind, that’s all I could see, feel, or even think about. How angry his faced look when I told him that I didn’t want him to go nor did I want to go with him. But after I had explained why I didn’t want to go nor wanted him to go he understood and just softly kissed me and told me he would see me tonight. Unfortunately, we got the call that night and were sent, rushed by a taxi to the hospital. That’s where Robert died. He didn’t even to get to finish one thing on that god forsaken list that I can’t get rid of; number 20, the last one, die in your one true love’s arms.

             I was sitting in my car by this point; I started to get on my way to school. I decided to keep the present for later; not wanting to burst into tears at school. When I arrived at school I checked my make-up in the mirror and saw that I looked really bad, my mascara was running from crying again so I just wiped it all of and went to my first hour. When everyone saw me they just stared at me and some were whispering. I caught to some of their words: ‘here she tried killing her self’

            ‘ Thought that she was always going to be locked up in her room mourning over Robert’ I guess the news of me had been spread to the whole school because the teachers weren’t surprised to see me. They just smiled when I walked in and told me they were happy to see me. I saw my best friends Nicole and Jake sitting in the back just were I had left them. My seat was still empty and also where I had left it. “Good morning Jessie!” Nicole sounded surprised to see me. I had to clear my throat before I could answer because from all the crying it had clogged up.

            “Good morning to you Nicole.” Jake and I nodded to each other as I sat down next to him. I think he was mad at me for not calling him back when he called during my two week absent. When I sat down Jake turned towards me and started talking,

            “You okay…” I just looked at him as if he was stupid “I mean how are you doing?” Another stupid question. “Okay…. I’m going to come out and say it, you look like a deer stuck in a headlight.”

            “Jake!” Nicole gasped.

            “No, Nicole it’s okay, he’s probably right anyhow.”

            “Ooops….” Jake started to blush.

            “Jake, seriously, it’s okay, I probably do look terrible, I just thought that it was time for me to get out of my room although being at school doesn’t help much.”

            “Did you know that I called you while you were gone?” I was going to come out and apologize for not calling him back, but I changed my mind and decided to play stupid.

            “No, did you? I guess my mom forgot to tell me. What’s up?” He just shrugged his shoulders.

“Nothing really I just wanted to see how you were doing and if you wanted someone to come by to talk to.” I knew that Jake had a crush on me, that’s how we became friends; he told me I was pretty in 6th grade and we have been friends ever since. Nicole and I, though, have been friends much, much longer. I don’t even remember how we became friends.

“Oh, well if need you someone give me a call, OK?”

“Okay.” That’s when the teacher began class and I did say another word through out the whole class. I really wanted to avoid talking to Jake again. With out…I had to choke it out, Robert here, it was just weird you know. Okay, well, have you ever been on a date and your going to meet your boyfriend’s parents? That’s what it feels like talking to him now. 

The bell rang and we all rushed out. Nicole popped up next to me and told me she wanted to be with me every step of recovery. I just rolled my eyes; why can’t people treat me like the old Jessica? If Robert were here Nicole would try to pry me away from him to come to her house, and Jake would try and make me feel bad for choosing Robert over him and then I would have teased him. However, the truth of the fact was Robert wasn’t here anymore. I guess my friends are doing the best they can do. I sat through the rest of my classes as quiet as a church mouse. I ignored Jake too because talking to him mad me feel like Robert was back.  I always felt the same talking to both Robert and Jake, they both made me feel like I was one of them and I wasn’t ready to feel that again. Not yet anyhow.

The bell rang that released me from my fourth period and to lunch. I was hoping that there would be a table with nobody around so I could get away from Nicole and Jake; as much as I loved them they were really bugging me right now and I just wanted to be accepted for me and not have people bugging me about Robert. I guess coming to school was a bad idea but I knew that that is what Robert would have wanted. However, when I arrived at the lunchroom there were no empty tables. You would think that in a school of a population of only 700 kids there would be at least one table free. So instead, I trudged over to my old table and took my empty seat next to Jake. Normally Robert would have been at my other side but Trevor Smitherland took his seat; I leaned over to Jake to ask him a question, “Why is Trevor sitting in Roberts seat?”

“Well, Jessica, since you have been gone Nicole has gotten a new boyfriend and we knew you were coming back so we gave him Robert’s seat. Is that okay? I mean I’m sure if I ask Nicole, Trevor and her could find a new seat.”

“Oh, no it’s okay…. really, you guys let Robert sit here with us even though you didn’t like him so, I can’t complain.”

“ But Jessie, I want you to be as comfy as possible until you’re better.”

“Jake, I don’t think I could ever get better, so seriously, it’s okay.”

“Jessie, I know you’ll get better, whether you find love or not, I know you will be better your strong.”

“Funny, my mom said the same thing.” He just stared at me, awkward feelings again, and a hinge of feeling as if I mattered to someone again. I looked away as fast as I could and I could tell that just hurt him a lot. I sighed, “Jake, I’m sorry.”

“Umm hmmm.” We didn’t say much to each other after that. When we got done eating and headed for our next classes Nicole and I had to say our good-byes to Jake as he headed to electronics and we headed to gym. Gym ,in my opinion, was just another class that the school board set up to humiliate kids like me who are not athletic at all. The only upside to gym was that I looked amazing in the little shorts, well, that’s what Robert and Jake had told me. I snickered to myself at that thought and then turned my attention towards Nicole.

“Since when have you, Ms. Goal oriented, too busy for boys, and totally discussed by Trevor and his friends, had a boyfriend named Trevor, the same Trevor that you are discussed by!”

“How did you find out?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.”  I decided that was the best thing to say, not wanting to lead Nicole onto Jake telling me and her finding out that as her best friend I was to stupid too see it. She blushed.

“Well, he asked me to the movies last weekend, and things just escalated from there. I was going to call you I had your number dialed and everything but I didn’t want to burden you with my problems when you had your own. So instead I called Jake…I think after two hours of me telling him every detail he got agitated because he hung up.” We giggled at that-it felt weird to giggle and have fun again-and sat on the bench in the gym, after getting dressed.

“Today we are playing basketball.” Oh great. “Team captains are Smith and Taylor.” Oh, even better, I get to be a team captain. Coach filled a coin to see who got to pick first, I chose heads; Robert always said that it was lucky, and of course it landed on heads. I got to choose first, I chose Nicole, and then just chose people I knew vaguely. The game was intense and kind of nice; nobody could ask me about Robert, but in the end, my team lost. Of course!




Rain   Rain wrote
on 1/25/2009 4:58:41 PM
Very absorbing. At any age, a sudden unexplainable death of someone you love is heartwrenching, but at Jessica's age the pain and confusion triples. Interesting story line. I felt compelled to read. The pregnancy aspect could give you alot of options. I'm not big on love stories( although Titanic is one of my favorite movies) but you put a lot of side issues in this piece, where it isn't just a love story. There are people truly having to deal with this situation in real life. Your options on how you want this story to unfold are countless. The beginning is great. The harder part awaits you. Your story middle must have some kind of conflict to hold the reader, which I think you can do. I don't know if you plan on introducing a villian, or how a villian would fit, but like I said you have so many options. I would be pretty satisfied with where you've taken this so far. You will probably need to lean it down, but that's what Editing is for. Great start. Rain..

Moonrose   Moonrose wrote
on 1/24/2009 8:06:16 PM
Well, it's sad!! Love stories get me, okay?... you can ask Delilah_Dunn, she has a story like yours, I told her I cried for that one too! It only means you're doing a good job.

my_world_is_not_normal   my_world_is_not_normal wrote
on 1/24/2009 4:49:40 PM
OMFG, are you tring to make me cry os what one of my friends had told me

Novel / Novella
writing my_world_is_not_normal
What's What? Why do people say that things always happen for a reason? What if they just happen? When to people you love make you pick sides nothing matters anymore.
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Rating: 10.0/10

Jessica, the main charater, losses her boyfriend, Robert in a car crash. She is miserable and doesn't understand why it happen to her. Robert and her created a list of thing they wanted to do before they settled down and died, Jessica's mm and friends encourage her to complete this list. She's not sure if she wants to though and she goes through a lot of events to become the old Jessica again.
A Word from the Writer
I think i am going to have her realize she is pergent with Robert's baby and that will encourage her to complete the list. Not sure though.