The Cleaner
Who? "wise one" What? "gun" Where? "park"
He was a wise one, a quick one, with a gun so powerful and a hand so fast a person could be dead within a millisecond. It all started at the park one day, I was sitting on a bench, a stolen laptop on my lap, glasses in place, searching the web for news as a cover up for my real purpose. My target was just a few feet away playing chess, white male, 6'1, 135 pounds. His name was Watson, William Watson. His target was the man who sat just across from Watson, Brett Jefferson. I played it cool seeing the amount of security safely guarding the two. My friend on the other hand, took the direct approach. He was always doing that, he always succeeded though, and he never got caught. That was why he was the best, he was the reason why I was number two. Luckily that didn't bother me, I wasn't a greedy man trying to make sure I was number one. That was the reason why he had never thought to kill me. Ha, lucky me. Anyway, back to the two targets. I new exactly what my friend was going to do. The scene was already playing out in my head. He was going to casually walk over, pull out his gun, take out his target then go for the guards. After that he would look at me, by then I would be by his side with my gun pointed at my target, who would lay dead on the ground. We would glance at each other then go our separate ways. There would be no witnesses, no one that would report the crime or call the police. Thats how it was going to go down. All I had to do now was wait.

penname   penname wrote
on 12/2/2008 4:38:55 PM
this is nice. though i know it's not a "story" per se, the only thing i'd change is the title. i know in hitman stories, and other action/fiction often the hitman type characters are called cleaners... but that what makes the title flat and obvious- i'd give the hitman either a unique name or another generalized title to invent him a little more creatively and not so generic

shakatoah   shakatoah wrote
on 12/1/2008 8:22:27 PM
Don't hate? Goodness...where did that perspective come from? I didn't read one word of hate or discrimination in this story...just a good writer describing the scene and characters.

Writing Activity
Who What Where
writing mesang
Bookmark and Share

You must log in to rate.
Rating: 9.0/10

Genre: Action/Drama/Romance "The life of a hitman is a dangerous thing. More dangerous when your the most skilled of your kind. Even more so when distractions stand in the way."
A Word from the Writer
Work in progress