now I've started I can't stop..
up high swings half moon
distant stars glowing brightly
awaken the night

cocoon opens slow
moth unfolds it's crumpled wings
new life stretching out

seeds planted in may
springing forth new life in june
die when august ends


oysters form your pearls
incandescent as they are
tiny grains of sand

 

Comments:
 
kiwigirl   kiwigirl wrote
on 8/19/2009 9:17:24 PM
Thank you again papak. I really appreciate your advice. I admire your work very much and if I can be even half as good at expressing myself in words as you are, I shall be very happy. I've tried another couple tonight. Would you mind looking them over, as well as a couple of recent non-haiku attempts

Papak   Papak wrote
on 8/18/2009 11:37:55 PM
In a previous statement I said, in my humble opinion, lines 1 and 3 should be able to be interchanged and the haiku can still work. Three of these would but the 3rd one would not. Does that make it less of a haiku I dont think so but it is not as strong as the last one

kiwigirl
Poetry
Haiku
writing kiwigirl
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart
--Helen Keller
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Synopsis
The haiku style of writing is very addictive, and most enjoyable. Very thought provoking also...and certainly not as easy as i thought it would be. Good thing I like a challenge...and this definitely is one...LOL
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