Trying again. Practise makes perfect they say...
autumn whooshes in
catches up the yellowed leaves
earthward they flutter

snowflake falling fast
landing on winters mantle
no longer is seen

gently moving stream
fishes swimming lazily
languid water weed



 



Comments:
 
Jan   Jan wrote
on 8/15/2009 12:26:53 AM
this is really good even if you say you've just started writing haiku..but i'm not sure bout the syllable counts in the last two stanzas..just my thoughts..:)

Papak   Papak wrote
on 8/15/2009 12:20:10 AM
whooshes is not a good poetic word. haiku is like yen. It is a moment, it cannot be forced it has to be natural. let the words come to you you cannot go to them.

kiwigirl
Poetry
Haiku
writing kiwigirl
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart
--Helen Keller
Bookmark and Share

You must log in to rate.
This has not been rated.

© 2014 WritingRoom.com, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WRITING | POETRY WRITING | CREATIVE WRITING | WRITE A BOOK | WRITING CONTESTS | WRITING TIPS