First attempt
First ever attempt at haiku - very much in the beginner class

sunsets dark crimson
coloured clouds hang in midair
looking to the west

shells washed by the sea
lie scattered across the sand
gulls hover above

spider weaves silken web
glistening with morning dew
a radiant trap










Comments:
 
kiwigirl   kiwigirl wrote
on 8/14/2009 7:29:58 PM
Thank you WAN and papak. I have taken on board your comments and have tried again in another thread. There's more to writing it than meets the eye for sure, but I like it

Papak   Papak wrote
on 8/14/2009 6:46:10 PM
So you like Japenese? Well done! Your sylable count is correct for the haiku style but did you write actual haiku? Most popular definition, but there is more to haiku than meets the eye: Haiku (also called nature or seasonal haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Haiku is usually written in the present tense and focuses on nature (seasons). The Sedoka is an unrhymed poem made up of two three-line katauta with the following syllable counts: 5/7/7, 5/7/7. A Sedoka, pair of katauta as a single poem, may address the same subject from differing perspectives. Katauta is an unrhymed three-line poem the following syllable counts: 5/7/7. Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7) Senryu (also called human haiku) is an unrhymed Japanese verse consisting of three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Senryu is usually written in the present tense and only references to some aspect of human nature or emotions. They possess no references to the natural world and thus stand out from nature/seasonal haiku. Ameriku is American haiku, following the 5/7/5 rule and is a short nature poetry Each calming haiku centers on one season of the year, spring, summer, autumn or fall, and winter, and one season of the human condition. BUT..... ameriKu -First thng I noticed was the spelling, the capital K, second was the form AmeriKu is a new form of short-verse poetry created by Joseph Randell Sherman in 2007. air breath of life invisible source lifting wings with whispered dreams The simple guidelines for this form are as follows: The poem consists of 4 unrhymed lines of 3-5-3-4 syllables written on a nature and/or spiritual theme.

WAN   WAN wrote
on 8/14/2009 1:43:48 AM
Hi Kiwi girl:) Your discriptions were vivid:) I also tried to write a haiku before and in my first attempt( i made a mistake:) but others will help you if you like... I have an advice though. Haiku-is 5-7-5:) Have a great day!

kiwigirl
Poetry
Haiku
writing kiwigirl
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart
--Helen Keller
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Synopsis
I have never written in this style before tonight. My knowledge of haiku is limited, and I should very much like to learn more. I do know there are rules to follow and I have attempted to do this to the best of my very limited ability. I welcome any comments, criticisms, advice. Thank you
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