Immortal Darkness ( revised)



                                      Immortal Darkness


                                          Chapter One

I awoke with a sudden gasp and jolt of excruciating anger and pain that had built up inside me. I peered around the vicinity of the passageway. Nothing more than my own tinted shadow gawked back. The blood poured on my long black hair. I gripped my bitten neck tightly; it was still damp from the liquid that oozed from the hideous pronged wound. I laid there in a ball on the thick ice covered pavement, weak from the blood shed. My body disoriented and confused from the attack.

The pain was horrid. I could take it no longer. I wanted to jump out of my own porcelain like skin. Cold sweat glistened on my detached, lifeless like face. I felt as if lost in a deep trance. My knees buckled and collapsed as I tried to get up.

Hot tears began to stream down my white complected countenance. I was in a state of solitude, trapped in the a darkness of nonexistence. What happened? I wondered but yet did not know the answers I so desperately sought out, for my mind still in bewilderment. Still traumatized. The only thing I did know for sure is that I was changed.

No longer myself; I had taken on a life of another. I had given up; it was victorious . The stench of metallic and death lingered overhead. It intrigued me. I wanted to take the death within myself. Wanted to drink the very thing I knew would steer into a path of another.

My veins ached and burned. this unbeatable hunger emerged within . I leaped up quickly and began to search. This un-human like power, ability ignited inside of me like a roaring forest fire. My mind no longer in control of my body. I began running .The acceleration of my muscled legs and this new found strength was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

Like endless burst of stamina. I was trying to decipher this feeling this emotion; when I realized that is was more of a thirst. A thirst for the red inside us. I began on a dauntless hunt for blood, blood that would be like venom to my tongue. I pursued a small prey. I rushed after it. The speed and power within my form forced me to it. I was unable to fight the urge. I was drawn to my soon to be victim.

I had followed it all the way to the entrance of the mystical forest. Where the wind whispered to the enormous hollow trees of dark magic; that I so very feared.

Until now emotionless I entered. Fallen discolored leaves scattered atop the life baring soil beneath my hefty combat boots. I began to chase it once more; however I was distracted by the fading somber of the night. As dawn approached I needed a dim place to hide. I sought out warmth, shelter, sanctuary. What I found was the depth of a cave in which I now call home.

The cavern was in the profundity of the secluded timberland. White flowered Wisteria vines draped the luminous, crystal encrusted boulders. The opening diminutive and barely visible. I crept inside the dimly lit hollow. I was terrified and disgusted with myself. How could I long for claret molten that flows within? I hid there until the sun pasted the mountains, and the light faded.

I became jittery. My translucent hide crawled. My hunger grew, and then overwhelmed me once more. I hastily fled from the grotto out to the now star lit highland. I yearned for it. Just a droplet of the warm, brassy taste on my tongue. A branch snapped in the distance, crack. I arose swiftly and quietly from my crouched position.

I saw it. My sense so superb in the darkness that surrounded me, that I saw the rabbit stare at me with its coal eyes. I could smell its fear, and my own. What am I doing? The thoughts of doubt driven away by the captivating aroma.

It tried to flee, however I pounced it before it could blink. I grabbed the spotted ash fur ball and brought it close to the brim of my face. My lips parted to a large gaping hole. An entrance to my stomach. There was a silence and all I could hear was the sound of the crimson liquid pumping through its veins; and its little heart rapidly throbbing in its chest.

There was a slick wet sound of sharp teeth extending from my gums. I began to sink my tusks into the helpless animal. A crunch as I broke threw the fur, straight to a small innocent bone of my prey. My fangs acted as straws as I sucked and slurped it dry of every last drop of its thick fluid that I craved so much for. It was my drug; I needed it. From the first drop I was hooked.

I was satisfied, but only for now. I wiped my crescent shaped mouth. My fangs vanished and were now normal again. My eyes no longer dilated and full of passion but replenished to their natural clear blue. I curled into the futile pose. My heart still pounding with excitement; but my mind fearful. I had just devoured a harmless creature. I felt timid and repulsed, yet completely exhilarated as I began to fade off into a deep slumber.

I was exhausted. My body drained and ached unlike any other feeling of pain or misery I had ever felt. I was grief-stricken . My head was spinning and my vision was blurred. My crown pummeled to the hard, rocky, ground and I was out.

I began dreaming. Dreaming a dream I had never dreamt before; And yet have seen a million times. The ember, woods cleared and opened up to a land beyond the forest and beyond the mountains. To an old-fashioned castle with thick gray brick walls. A familiar face stared before me; momentarily comforting me. His strong features intrigued. His soft spoken words of expression warmed me and his slate blue eyes pieced threw me as if I have known him for an eternity.

But in a way I have. I have seen him every night in my visions since I can remember. I have looked upon an observed this unknown world in which I have gazed only in my dreams. The scenery altered to within the castle doors. Down a long, steep corridor with dark, bulky block walls.

I regained focused into the dream again. The man Dresden, who’s life I have been engaged in viewing for the past 19 years was being firmly slammed into the side of a stalwart passageway . I could do nothing but watch in horror as he was brutally compressed by his loftier, elder brother, Victor.

My skin crawled with every word the older man spoke. My ears punctured like a knife to the skin, by the sound of his cruel, raspy voice. Threatening Dresden with words unheard by my cold, sharp listening. The movement and expression in his deformed, gashed face and dark , evil eyes showed me that Victor the elder was infuriated. He spat on the ridge of Dresden’s slightly crocked nose and angrily scurried out of view.

I awoke to the magnificent howl of a blood eager beast like myself. I emerge for the poorly lit cavern. The nocturnal wind cool upon my hot cheeks. I lie atop the soft, burnt umber earth and gaze upon the sparkling twilight.

The moon’s luminescent glow intense and passionate. It called to me, just as the underworld calls to me. And I began yearning for him. I felt more connected to him then ever before. Like without him my perpetual existence is absent of the one thing it truly craves.

Above the desire for blood it is Dresden I seek. This urge to move , to run, my body held hostage. I had no choice but to momentarily run away. I wanted to flee from existence. To find something more to my eternal life. I need others to mend this torn soul, this broken being. I had not yet give in to the bitterness of my forsaken destiny.


Bluez   Bluez wrote
on 2/17/2009 9:28:32 AM
I loved the imagery, the way you gave the feeding and bloodlust of a vampire a new vision, a way of trying to convey how that might feel that works well for you I think. I thought there were times where there were too many short sentences run together, that maybe you should take some of those thoughts and make them more of a complete paragraph, and maybe that's what StarPoet meant too, I am not sure. I do the same thing though, and have to force myself to look at it and say it differently so it flows better and no one can say they didn't understand. (At least with my writing I mean). I think you have a very good start to a promising future in writing though, and please let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you, Lindsay has a great site here and is very supportive and helpful without asking for anything in return, and you can't find better friends than that, right? Best of luck in all you do and I look forward to much more from your mind!

StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 11/6/2008 9:41:17 PM
Great imagery and descriptions. You were very detailed with your details and that made for a gripping read. Will be looking for more of this story for now I'm interested. Friendly advice: Lose all the capitals. They took something away from the intensity I felt.

Novel / Novella
writing jordii
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Rating: 9.0/10

I young women caught in a battle to find herself, and except her forsaken destiny. If you like vampire books then you should read this.
A Word from the Writer
I just revised this story. It is not finished et but tell me what you think about it. Oh and I would also like to know what you think of the title: Immortal Darkness.