Shut up! Please.
My coffee is bitter this morning. I don't know whether I should dump it and start over or just suck it up. Considering I have an hour 'til class...

I don't know why I'm writing, I suppose I just want someone to talk to. It always feels like I'm world's away and no one can hear me. I feel like I'm trapped in a dark room, with no light to show the way. I bump into things, I curse and it echoes. I cry and there isn't a sound. Perhaps this is life, perhaps there is no way out.

I pray you're alright, and that you'll forgive me when I run. I just want to be free and for someone to hear me! I want my voice to break the day and you to give me a fuckin' choice. I have a life. I own it sometimes, but what I really want is a way to make everything okay. To make the rain pour and the sun shine today.

That's right, I'm gonna yell, cause you won't shut your face. You won't hear my voice or accept the facts. And I love you for being there but I don't need your sympathy. I can spew out lies and make you believe, but in the end I got no feelings. Got nothing but the truth to tell and hope to fall back on.

But hopes a cloud, and it drops you back on earth. You can't get to heaven on hope and you can't change this heart. Don't take away my choice. Don't tell me what to do. I don't want to be your dog nor your fuckin' robot. I want to be me. I want to be free.

No one's free and I know that, but can I cut some strings so I'm not quite attached? These chains drag me down, when I enter the lake, but I'll try swimming and do what it takes.

I'm not a superhero and I don't want to be. I wanna be loved for me and loved for who I will be. You don't know me, what the fuck do you think? I'm not a pretty face, not an angel, not a tramp. I'm a bitch and a lover. Sometimes I fight, sometimes I cry and fuck you if you don't like it. I don't wanna change for you. I don't want to cry for you. I don't want to laugh because you say so or dress up for the occassion.

Let it go. Leave off. Listen to me! Don't talk over my voice. Don't forget I'm not here. I'm here and I'm alive, whatever that may mean. I can't stand the bright light you're putting on me.

Sure it's my fault and I'll accept the blame. I'll take the beating and enjoy the pain. I'll enjoy the pain and turn it into a pleasure, but you'll hear me. You'll hear my voice and understand my words. I won't be silent any longer.

Cause I'm tired of the bullshit. I've smelled too much of it in my life and I want a fresh scent. So listen when I say I'm going to go away. I'm leaving this behind. I'm walking the fine line. I'll push the limits. I'll break my borders. I'll face death and laugh, cause the only thing he has is my life. My life ain't worth shit to death. I'll laugh in his face and then go for a run. I'll run 'til I'm free and we're both gone. Until you hear my voice and listen to my words. Until you listen to me and I no longer have to force you to believe.

I'm not a saint and I'm not the devil. I'm not what you're thinking or what I'm believing. Half the time I'm not myself. Cause you don't really want me, you want somebody else. But "myself" is tired of hiding and ducking behind these walls, so I'm gonna sing and laugh and dance and break myself out.

When I'm done, you probably won't want me. You won't want myself and I won't be somebody else. So take your love and friendship and shove off. I got better things to do in this dark room. I got find the fuckin' light and get the hell out. I got to find a fuckin' way to make things alright.

I don't know why I wrote this, I guess I just wanted you to know. I'm writing this to myself, in an effort to make peace. The treaty just begun and you start a talkin', yaking in my ear and carrying on. I won't listen though. I'm almost out of the room and I ain't going back.

So I'm sorry I have to hurt you, but I got to keep going on. I got to be myself and talk. If you don't want to listen then leave. Don't force me to be silent or to talk like you. I'm not you. I'm myself. And I'm gonna run until I'm free.

Shut up! Please.

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writing egeria19
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A rather unwanted relationship that I had to drop, but I think this can apply to many different situations we run across in life.