Shit Shy And Hemorrhoids

<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">Everyone's heard of people being pee shy, right? This is when someone, usually a guy, is unable to urinate in a public restroom in front of others. It happens more to men because there is performance anxiety, and often, your cock is exposed for the wandering eyes of others, and this can make someone feel vulnerable. Then there is the little boy mentality of pissing contests. The man who pisses the loudest or the most forcefully is the most masculine, the top dog so to speak. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">But has anyone ever heard of being shit shy? Well, it so happens that I have suffered from this. For instance, I have worked at places where there is only a two stall bathroom and the silence is so overwhelming you can hear a pin drop. It doesn't matter how bad I have to go. If someone is in the stall next to me I am often unable to go. I have no idea why. Probably some psychological issue, and anyone who knows me personally, knows I have plenty of those. It's like, what the hell is stopping me? Is it performance anxiety? Do I think someone is going to judge me by the loudness of my farts, or the sound of feces leaving my asshole, or perhaps the splash the log makes when hitting the toilet water? Who the fuck knows what goes on in my troubled and damaged mind. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">But this horrible condition is nothing to laugh about and can lead to negative consequences. Think about it. What would you do if you were unable to void your bowels when you needed to? For me it developed into really bad hemorrhoids. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">I was convinced I had cancer. I thought, wait a minute, I do all of the right things. I eat right by getting lots of fiber, drink about a hundred glasses of water each day, exercise almost nightly, so what the hell is it? </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">This condition led me to seek help, and the reassurance I needed to know that I didn't have colon cancer or some other terminal illness. So I went to a proctologist. And yep, you guessed it. I had to get a colonoscopy. Now the procedure itself was really nothing because they put you to sleep. It was the preparation the day before that was brutal. I had to drink a gallon or so of this disgusting liquid and eat and drink nothing else. Well about an hour after drinking, I kid you not, I shit for literally about eight to nine hours. Actually, I didn’t really shit. The stuff liquefies everything inside you and you pretty much piss out your asshole. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">And during an embarrassing procedure such as a colonoscopy don't you just love those who feel the need to make dumb ass jokes in order to ease yours and their discomfort? Like I was working at <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /><ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">Temple</ST1:PLACETYPE> <ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">University</ST1:PLACETYPE> at the time of this, and everyone who lives in the area knows <ST1:CITY u1:st="on"><ST1:PLACE u1:st="on">Temple</ST1:PLACE></ST1:CITY> is in a bad location. The nurse, who was staring at my exposed asshole, was probably so hot and bothered by seeing me nearly naked, that she felt the need to joke around. She asked me where I worked and when I told her <ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">Temple</ST1:PLACETYPE> <ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">University</ST1:PLACETYPE>, she immediately said, "Oh, I used to be a nurse at <ST1:PLACE u1:st="on"><ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">Temple</ST1:PLACETYPE> <ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">Hospital</ST1:PLACETYPE></ST1:PLACE>. I always tell people I used to look at bullet holes all day and now I look at heiney holes." </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN><I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Oh, how comforting that must be I thought. I bet you and your fat ass loves having someone like me nearly naked on your table! <O:P></O:P></I></SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN></SPAN></I></STRONG><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">Anyway, after they gave me a needle I drifted off so I have no memory of the procedure thank God. But when I woke up, the doctor said, "You have really bad hemorrhoids, the kind that will need surgery if you don't deal with them soon."</SPAN></STRONG></FONT><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><BR><STRONG><FONT face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>"I have hemorrhoids?"</FONT></STRONG></SPAN></B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>"Yes, I cannot believe you didn't know that. And that's the third time you asked me that." Apparently I was still coming out of the drug induced sleep. He seemed amused.</SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>I guess I had just gotten so used to living in discomfort I was completely unaware. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>I was also diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome. Yes, my troubled mind has always been hell bent on physically destroying me.</SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>Of course he recommended I use Preparation H suppositories. So I bought them at the grocery store during my next visit. When reading the instructions – and even now I do not know how I could be so naïve and stupid – I thought you simply put the suppository in your ass crack. It's like, I don't know what the fuck I thought that would accomplish, but I soon realized you were meant to insert it all the way into your asshole. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><SPAN style="mso-tab-count: 1">          </SPAN>Well I was terrified. After a while of mentally preparing myself I took baby steps and I finally succeeded in shoving the small bullet shaped object up my ass. Let me tell you, I do not know how anyone could ever engage in anal sex because nothing is more uncomfortable than having something lodged inside that area of your body. And we're talking a suppository, something that is about two inches and thinner than your pinky. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><FONT face="Times New Roman"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%">But back to the point. Suppositories have a tendency to just make you have to shit. This is the problem. As soon as you put it in you have to shit or fart and it ends up coming out one way or another.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>So they have rarely been any help. This leads me to believe, if my doctor was correct, that someday I will need surgery for the hemorrhoids. I'd rather just shoot myself. Isn't it great to think of the horrors that life may hold in store for you? I love it. </SPAN></STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P style="TEXT-INDENT: 0.5in; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><STRONG><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><FONT face="Times New Roman">Well, if nothing else comes out of it and I do someday need surgery, at least I'll have something to write about and disgust all of my readers with. </FONT></SPAN></STRONG><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 13.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"></SPAN></B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 8.5pt; COLOR: black; LINE-HEIGHT: 200%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Verdana','sans-serif'"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
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Thomas_C_Archer

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What doesn't kill me only makes me more bitter, hateful, and mean.
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