Music

WARNING: This article has been found to ramble, and to have no specific content. Readers who have serious objections should skip this and continue to the next item.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Music*

*For all the aliens reading this article: to best find out what music is, abduct a dictionary; I’m not wasting my time just because you haven’t done enough research.

Thomas Carlyle once said “If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.  This statement holds no significance to anything and has absolutely no relevance to the rest of the article, but I thought I would put it there for effect.

Along with quoting long dead historical essayists, I could also delve into the effects of music on the human soul, the effects of it on intelligence and write many inspiring and deep verses with silly and trite wording and phraseology. I could, but I don’t feel like it, and you have probably read it all before, so I won’t write that, at least, not seriously.

Music has been called a refuge; it has been called the poetry of air; the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life. It has also been called a root (in no way metaphorical),[1] but I wouldn’t go quite as far as that. Music to me is just something that stops the silence from being quite so ear-splitting and that distracts my mind from anything that might want to penetrate it and generate useful content. 

There are some scientific divisions who believe that music can cause serious bodily conditions such as the Bobbing of the Head, the Tapping of the Foot and can even lead to the fatal Movement of the Body, more commonly known as “dancing”. Strict observation studies and tests are being undertaken, but it is feared that it may be contagious and have already caused a pandemic.

Many people believe that in order to play music, one must first undergo stressful and intense training, grueling rehearsal times and 10 years spent standing on one leg on a small island in the middle of the Pacific, meditating on life, the universe and everything, although the last clause is often considered an unnecessary and old fashioned practice for those with too much time on their hands. Practitioners of the ancient rite were unavailable for comment, since the Barb does not provide its writers funds for travel (for research purposes, of course).

Others believe that all the above is unnecessary, and that one should just pick up the music and ‘go with the flow’, improvising as you go along, which seems to be the only plausible explanation for heavy metal.

Music has a long history, none of which is very interesting. I prefer the version which goes along the line of; one day a decrepit old music shop in an alleyway appeared. No one knew from whence it came, or when it came, but it had always been there. The question was, had it always been there yesterday? [2]

From those humble beginnings, the industry began to franchise and there, music evolved and is now a multi-billion-dollar parasitic industry, sucking both the public and the artists for all they’re worth.



[1] Courtesy of Uncyclopedia.org.

[2] Apologies to Terry Pratchett, but the idea was too good to leave out, and what would journalism be if not plagiarism and thievery anyway? I’m just following honoured traditions.


2009, age 14


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Sylvia
Journalism
Arts and entertainment
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Synopsis
This was an article for the Barb, a school magazine. She told us to write something on Music
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