Lost Love
Dearest Lost Love, What do I do when I meet the man of my dreams, and at the very apex of our relationship, when everything seems to be going well, suddenly ends? I shared intimacies with you, and it hurts to lose you, especially that I felt we were best friends before we became intimate. In our case, I shared things with you that I shared with no one, I trusted you like no one. So when our relationship ended, it invalidated EVERYTHING we shared. It’s just too difficult to believe that two people could be as close as Siamese twins and then one of the people can cause you so much hurt, pain and heartache. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I feel sad, disillusioned, confused. I feel under appreciated, used and taken for granted. You have made my self-esteem plummet and I begin to question my own judgment. Every moment I shared with you leaves me wondering if that moment was real or fake. The standard formulas for healing aren’t effective when you are grieving over someone that was closer to you than anyone else you met in your life. I have to move you out of the centre of my thoughts, suspend my beliefs about you and our relationship, and move you into another place. I need to box you up in my heart, and in my mind to review when my feelings are less raw and more stable. It’s very difficult and painful to do this because I have a particularly strong attachment bond to you (My soulmate.) Losing that attachment is very painful. I go through many different emotions from denial, anger, depression, sadness. Finally, I will move to acceptance and adaptation. But it won’t happen in that sequence. It will be a cycles back and forth through these stages. Just when I feel like I’m “OK”, then something triggers pain, and I feel the cycle starting again. It will take a very long time to work through this kind of grief, and loss. For me, the minute we met we clicked. The electricity between us was always there. We went from being acquaintances, to colleagues to friends, to best friends to lovers over a short period of time. You were someone that I could tell anything without shame. I shared my deepest secrets with you. We shared so many common interests that even WE were shocked to discover our compatibility. I loved every challenged you tackled, work music, singing, local preaching. We never ran out of things to talk about and conversations were both fun and stimulating. I didn’t get romantically involved with a stranger I got involved with my best friend, my soulmate, someone who I had known for just a few years. So naturally my heart was less guarded. I trusted you with my heart so much that I never thought you would hurt and deceive me the way that you have. Your best friend, your soulmate, would never do this to you. I gave you the best parts of myself. I gave you my devotion and my support. I gave my inner self to someone who didn’t treasure it. I was worth fighting for, and holding on to. you didn’t do it. I respected you far more than you respected me. I loved you more than you loved me. It was only after external circumstances made things rough, and I learned these feelings we shared were not mutual and our relationship had to end. Let’s not even talk about the betrayal of the heart. How does one get over such a profound betrayal of your friendship? The problem was that you weren’t fully committed to choosing me to be in your life, but you didn’t feel compelled to tell me this when we became involved. Instead you encouraged me to see hope when I was cynical. you faked a future with me telling me what I wanted to hear, which only made things more devastating in the end. No one wants to be lied to in any way, especially on the scale you have lied and cheated me. I hate to think of you as a bad person, a person who lied, cheated and manipulated me, during possibly every moment of time you shared with me. I hate to think you are selfish and self-centered. I hate to believe that everything we shared was an illusion. I can’t believe this because what does it say about me and my ability to size up a person and a situation? I tried to believe every word you said, and so when you didn’t deliver, my world started to crumble. Obviously I misjudged the strength of our bond. The worst part about this is that I can`t understand the very complex reasons of why, you have no reasons to why? I know it will take a long time to go through the phases of healing following our breakup of this kind of love. The pain, anger and suffering I suppose, are very normal in the aftermath of such devastation. Time will pass and time will heal my wound. We usually get over something like this because we let go and start forgetting about it or get involved in something else that occupies our time and mind. I guess these are the normal steps in the process of letting go, but are not necessarily the healthiest way to deal with it. At this time, I feel severe distress, pain, anger and anguish. My emotions are in a state and particularly intense. How I respond to these emotions can make a huge difference in myself-healing, self-nurturing and self-loving. In dealing with these emotions there are two directions I can go. The first is to focus on my lost love and how you brought unwanted feelings into my life. The other, is to learn to take better care for my own feelings and bring them to a state of inner healing. It is very easy to expend a lot of energy focusing on the hurt caused. However, this kind of suffering is almost addictive. I will take this pain and seize it as an opportunity to change and focus on my future. In the end I will be a stronger person and better equipped. Now your alone with those secrets you keep, I feel you were sleeping around to find a happier place, a place in your heart that’s a very lonely space, I guess you thought things would get better in time and not knowing what we had, was one of a kind, now you’re afraid to look at who you become, what I see is an empty soul on the run. I hope you find what you are looking for. From deep inside my heart I wish you peace love and happiness for your future. Take Care Yours Sincerely A Stronger Person

Comments:
 
Scripturam   Scripturam wrote
on 12/19/2015 1:21:37 PM
I`m new to this site, I did paragraph this story, however when posted it didn't paragraph, please accept my apologize. any hints welcome.

Scripturam
Poetry
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writing Scripturam
If my mind can Conceive it & my heart can believe it, I know I can Achieve it.
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