Patience to See

The hole inside my heart

Glistens cold and black.

Demons pour in like water,

Deepening the crack.

Their fingers grip my soul,

Squeezing it with hate.

“You will never see God,” they hiss.

Their words sting and grate.

I can only weep bitterly,

And shield my swollen eyes.

I try to feed my spirit strength

But instead it simply dies.

I am on my knees,

My hands held to my chest.

I cannot clog the hole.

I’ve given it my best.

The demons scream inside me,

“You are ours, give up hope!”

I feel my heart agree and

Frantically begin to grope.

The darkness is so great

I’m forced to a painful crawl.

My heart trembles violently.

I cannot find the wall.

Nothingness surrounds me

And I know I am alone.

Hell is rising nearer.

My spirit’s overthrown.

I lift my tear-stained face

To see shackles on my wrists.

Satan laughs at my horror.

It is hopeless to resist.

“Oh Lord!” I plead weakly.

“Don’t leave me to this fate.

I love you, my Father,

Don’t tell me it’s too late.

Come and save me Beloved.

Take my life by storm.

Break into this empty place.

Raise my weary form.

Lift me into your arms.

I long to feel you embrace.

Let me gaze upon Your glory,

Your flawless, shining face.

I craved you so strongly,

When I couldn’t see you with my eyes,

I let discouragement overwhelm me

And the devil feed me lies.

Show me I’m not forgotten.

Teach me to love again.

Teach my feeble spirit strength.

Show my heart that you can win.”

The demons in me cackle,

Scorning my hungry pleas.

“The great Creator,” they taunt with malice.

“The might maker of the seas.

Where is your Lord, O Worthless One?

Where is your shining God?”

They break off in cold laughter

And my stomach tightens in a clod.

A roar explodes from inside me,

With power not my own.

It shakes me ‘til I fall forward

And quake in every bone.

No!” I shout with surprising boldness.

The demons stop and quiet down.

“I won’t bow to Satan’s chains.

I serve God’s holy crown.”

Silence follows and I take a breath.

You’re not my masters,” I say.

In terror the demons begin to shriek

And fall into disarray.

A wind descends from the heavens,

Wrapping around me like a shield,

Beating strong with heated might

That only God knows how to wield.

It begins to suck with ferocity

As it latches onto my chest,

Ripping the demons from my heart

Like harmless little pests.

I fall to my face shaking,

My hands limp with shock.

A voice speaks clearly into my ear,

“Thy strength comes from the Rock.”

I lift my aching eyes,

And become strangely still.

“Thank you, Jesus, I breathe.

“I live to serve your will.”

A mighty power grips my waist

And pulls me off the ground.

I gasp as I speed rapidly toward

An eerie solemn sound.

I hit a cold floor and catch a glimpse

Of something near me seething.

I’m stunned to see its dancing water,

Humming like gentle breathing.

The icy waves crackle and sing

Like shattering crystals.

Lightening wrathfully slaps the water

Like a thousand shooting pistols.

Above is an ocean of silver mist,

Swirling and churning up high,

Thick and swift and spinning about,

Swallowing up the sky.

Do not fear,” avoice says gently.

My chest bursts with a feverish swell.

“Father! I shout with longing,

My heart beating like a bell.

I am here,” Hereplies, and

In confusion I twist and stare.

All I see is mist and water,

No person, throne, or chair.

“Let me see you,” I beg,

My spirit crumbling like glass.

So long I’ve waited to be with Him,

I cannot let this pass.

The time is not right,”he says,

His voice heavy with love.

You must wait a little longer,

My sweet, beautiful dove.”

His words pass over me,

And all I hear is His rejection.

“Am I so sinful I can’t even

Gaze upon Your perfection?”

The mist billows around me

And for an instant I grow afraid.

I remember that His son was killed

So that my own debt could be paid.

I want to show myself to you,”

God declares in a voice of fire.

I long to take you to me

And fulfill your every desire.

I crave you more than you

Can ever crave me.

Did I not release your bonds

And set you free?

My leadership is perfect,

My love without flaw.

I know your bruised heart,

So beaten and raw.”

The mist settles momentarily

And turns from gray to white.

I know your pain,”God says softly,

As the fog grows ever bright.

My soul quivers and I collapse,

Tears running down my face.

All my strength is drained,

My spirit broken like a vase.

“I’m sorry Father,” I sob,

Feeling worthless and lost.

A soothing blanket falls over me

Like a warm, tender frost.

Do you love me?” MyBeloved asks,

And with feeling I reply,

“I’m so sick with love for you

I feel I shall die.”

Then you must wait for me

Until the time is right.

You must learn to trust by faith

And not by human sight.”

“I will try, “ I whisper, head

Bowed as I wipe my eyes.

“But please hear me, dear Father.

Don’t ignore my cries.”

The mist begins to rumble

With mighty thunder. 

I feel God rising up

And fall back in frightened wonder.

You are a dove,” myFather cries.

Chasing after the sun.

Pushing tirelessly forward

In an endless winged-run.

Below you the world sits,

Satisfied with each day’s light.

But you hunger for more and

For more you will always fight.

While you cannot touch its glow,

It never leaves your gaze.

Your great longing for the sun

Drives you all your days.

“Is that how my life is

Going to be?” I cry.

“Always thirsty and weary,

My throat cracked and dry?”

You’re forgetting that in the end,

When the enemy has been killed,

All thirst will be quenched

And the hungry will be filled.”

Suddenly a vision flashes

Clearly in my mind,

Of a place so brightly colored

I nearly go blind.

In this garden Jesus sits,

His face alight with love.

And in His perfect hands

He holds a small dove.

Jesus leans down and

Kisses its head,

Kissing its feathers,

As white as fresh bread.

As quickly as it had come,

The vision disappears.

And with great joy

I look up through my tears.

“Oh Father,” I whisper,

My hands on my face.

“I don’t deserve Your love,

Or Your sweet grace.

You are beautiful, O Savior,

O marvelous Light.

I will wait for Your sunrise

And endure the harsh night.”

Have patience!” Godtells me,

His voice loud and great.

Have patience to see me,

Have patience to wait.”

“I will hunger and wait

With every single breath.

I will wait for you

Until the day of my death.”

I stand up beaming,

My strength now returned.

Fear no longer grips me.

The tables have turned.

I am not afraid,

For my Father is strong.

Though I can’t see Him now

I won’t have to wait long. 


Comments:
 
danicpa68   danicpa68 wrote
on 1/13/2009 11:54:19 AM
This is BEAUTIFUL!! I love the descriptive fight from within and how God ALWAYS overcomes....wow....you are on your way to being a great poet!! Kudos to you!!

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I feel like this needs a lot more revision but I don't know where to begin, so I'd really appreciate help. I know 228 lines is ridiculous, but please brave the length and tell me your thoughts!
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