The Stephanie-ISM.
I've been blessed with two wonderful children. I wish I could count the moments of joy and pleasure they've given me over the years, but it's not possible. Partly because there have been so many, but almost entirely because the joy and pleasure is part of everyday life. I breathe the joy and live the pleasure every waking hour.

Stephanie is the eldest; in fact, she'll be twenty-one this year. Her hearing has been deteriorating over the years to the point where she really struggles to understand everything you say. But Stephanie approaches this situation as she does everything else. With good grace, good humor, and a whole heap of memorable Stephanieisms.

The Stephanieism has become a real word in our family. It's widely used to describe any comment, statement, question or answer that doesn't quite equate to reality. You know the sort of thing; a reply to a misunderstood or misheard conversation, or an opinion on a topical subject that misses the mark. You see, Stephanie is not only hard of hearing, but profoundly blond.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

Firstly, we were talking on the phone last night and the conversation went something like this:

"So, Stef, are you coming to stop for my birthday?"

"Eh?"

"MY BIRTHDAY, YOU‘RE COMING TO STOP!"

"In March, yes."

"I'll book the train tickets for you."

"Thank you."

"Okay, Stef. I'll sort it out tomorrow."

"You're forty-eight tomorrow? "

You see, if she didn't hear me properly then I'd understand the misunderstanding. But she knows when my birthday is.

Stephanie has provided me with my only grandchild. A beautiful, eighteen month old granddaughter named Kaitlyn. So, and secondly, Stef and I were on the phone last week and it went as follows:

"Kaitlyn, say hello to granddad."

I heard Kaitlyn answer, "Eh?"

"Say hello to granddad."

"Eh?"

"It's granddad on the phone, say hello."

"Eh?"

"I hate it when she does that. Eh? Eh? Eh? All the time," Stephanie protested.

"I wonder where she gets it from?" I asked.

"Eh?" came the reply.

I think everyone in the family has their own favorite Stephanieism, and we often sit and share these memorable moments with one another at family gatherings. I certainly have my own favorite. It happened a few years ago now, but is still talked about as a true classic.

Stephanie was about fourteen at the time and lived with her Mother. She called me up early one evening:

"Hi Dad."

"Hello, babe. You okay?"

"Yorkie?"

"YOU OKAY?"

"I'm bored."

"Is your Mom there?"

"She's out."

"Have you done your homework?"

"Mom did it."

"Your Mom did your HOMEWORK?"

"Oh, I thought you said housework."

At this point we hadn't actually reached the classic Stephanieism, but I should have seen it coming. It was quite clearly going to be one of those phone calls. After some good old fashioned Dad advise about the merits of a good education and getting your homework in on time, the conversation continued.

"Why don't you watch some TV?" I asked.

"There's nothing on."

"Have you looked?"

"I'm not hungry."

"LOOKED, NOT COOKED!"

"Oh, no," she said, laughing at her own misunderstanding.

"Let me look," I said, and opened the newspaper to the TV guide. "There you go, there's a good film on Channel 4, and it starts in ten minutes."

"What is it?"

"Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

"I can't watch that," she said with real conviction, and for a moment I think it did occur to me not to ask, but I had to.

"Why?"

And there you have it, almost. The next line out of the mouth of my beautiful, darling daughter will live with me forever. It will have nothing to do with her hearing or her misunderstanding. This was going to be the purest of pure Stephanieism's. A moment of profound blondness. It will be shared with friends and family for years to come, for eternity. I have written about it because it should be written about. Yes, you may have had to be there, but I was there.

After the briefest of pauses I heard the words come tumbling down the phone line.

"What's the point, Dad, I haven't seen the first two!"

Comments:
 
Ezy_scorpio   Ezy_scorpio wrote
on 10/20/2011 7:27:30 PM
There is sound of poems in your house. Beautiful to read.

RealSteve
Short Story
Comedy
writing RealSteve
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Synopsis
Out of the mouths of babes..... and all that.
Published Date
1/13/2009 12:00:00 AM
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