" My Turn"

WAN   WAN wrote
on 7/3/2009 12:40:37 PM
Hi Ray! The title itself tells me a gigantic story that all men/all human beings are scared to happen. They may say i am not afraid" i dont think so" all of us are afraid.even a bit fright. I'm turning 22 sixth of this month but this title'my turn' I am really scared of. Like you I don't believe in God in the bible but I do believe that we need to make good things to make our life worthy. I love reading your thoughts about your life. I looked at your pictures and wow you have a loving family. YOU CAN DO IT RAIN! You will still breath! you have to write more stories for me and for the others! Thank you for sharing this. the truth is it made me cry. im grateful rey, thank you again. Have a good night!

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Long before I got PC..back when I thought I would never die..through the years when I thought I wouldn't live past 30..and into the time when I envisioned myself an old eccentric man I've always thought about my turn. I remember when I was 16 and saw my first dead person. Her name was Jenny Sipes. She was 17 and died of some unknown disease. Seeing someone you know laying in a casket is scary when you're 16. But I remember wondering where she really was. I saw her body but knew that wasn't Jenny. Where did she go? What the hell is this thing called death? Over the years I've read and listened and talked to people about dying. Except for devout religious people no-one seems to have a clue. I've heard every thing from we keep coming back till we get it right. Which I have dismissed simply because of all the thousands of people I've met in my life I don't think I've met "anyone" who was so together they were on their last go round. I am not an atheist. I simply have a hard time with a heaven that has gold streets. Most of my friends tell me that is just a metaphor. Still..if heaven doesn't have teenage angst..cars that break down..love that fades and the endless list of other stings that this life has..I won't know how to act. I'll be lost. In my mind I have resolved this unsolvable question. I will not be terrified of my turn. I may be a little scared..but it will be like the fear of climbing that first steep incline on a roller coaster. I have accepted that I cannot escape "my turn." If one could avoid this greatest of lifes mystery through intelligence..or cunning..or deception..then I might be more afraid. Death would then take on a win or lose aspect. Somehow it would be a punishment for lacking some vague life skill. But..we all die..we all have a turn. Knowing that has helped me be a little more at peace. You have heard me say many times how much I love life..and I do. But this is all I've known. I have nothing to compare it to. Sometimes I think all those who've already had their turn are smiling and shaking their head at the gut wrenching agony we all put ourselves through. I truely believe there is something so gloriously beyond our BB brains ability to comprehend that awaits us all. We are dangling around on this microscopic speck in a universe that is so vast our brightest scientists cannot find it's end. We live and laugh..and love our way through our existence on this insignificant speck. We search for answers to questions that are more than likely only answered when it's our turn. I have accepted my total ignorance. This has allowed me to love this life..and has lifted some of the fear of the other side. I do not like change..so I will fight like hell to remain alive and on this earth. But in my life most change has always worked out for the best. Maybe that's how this death thing works. Still..I'm not moving till I have to. That's how I see "my turn." In the mean time..I will pick up my stupid butt everytime life knocks me down..if I can. I will try to be a good human being. I will live this life and do my best not to hurt anyone. I will answer every question about life with a loud and proud.."Duh." I'm hoping I don't go screaming and crying when it's my turn..but if I do..it's the same way I came into it..hee hee. Love Ray..
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