Ugh welcome to the catastrophe that is my teenage life. A fifteen year old lesbian who is so stuck in the closet I watch L Word reruns under the cover of darkness, scared of being found out as I lead my so called pathetic “double-life“. By day im a fake guy-loving, straight ass teenager, but by night im a secretive queer who watches reruns of Ilene Chaiken’s characters lives. I mean, only one friend knows about it, and she has the typical homophobic aversion to changing for P.E near me.

So there I was, laptop on my knees sitting on my bed, headphones on even though the volume was so turned down I could barely hear anything anyway, watching Shane, Alice, Bette, Tina, Kit, Jenny, Helena, Max and everyone else whom I had clearly no chance of being like do their homosexual business in the City of Angels.

There was one person who was my complete idol in the thick of it, Shane, the player, the one with a reputation for breaking hearts and I just wished I could be like her, so open and uncaring in the way that nothing of what anybody else thinks can annoy her.

But sadly Shane was just fictional, and if no one could be Harry Potter, no one could be Shane McCutcheon, right? Or was it different because the L Word was more realistic. Anyway it didn’t matter, because I was never going to be like her.

I saw the bathroom light illuminate the corridor and closed the lid of my laptop, shoving it under my pillow before laying down and closing my eyes. My heart beat faster and faster as my father finished up and came down the landing, he poked his head around the door and whispered something that sounded like “good night” then went back to bed.

I tried to restrain myself from getting the laptop back out and watching my idols play out my ideal life, but the need was so strong, that’s why my father found me in the morning, asleep with a play list of lesbian drama on the screen.