Living In His Memory - His Right Hand

Now eighty-some, his time had come; he'd had his fill of life
Tormented years, so marked by tears, etched scars of war-filled strife
Self-wounding rage and sleepless days eroded peace of mind
Yet still he knew, his ‘tried and true’ - her love, he’d always find

In Carver Hall, one Wednesday morn’, they met - both sixteen years
His handsome smile, her emerald eyes, moved hearts to joy-filled tears
Her olive gaze and girlish ways - his wicked sense of fun
“Was ‘the’ one thing,” she use to say, “That made him number One”

His goodly sense for what was just shaped all the things he’d do
This led the way he’d live his life – with law, he’d follow through
Her tender ways toward homeless strays and interest how they’d fare
Made mending lives a natural choice – that’s why she’d choose healthcare

They finished school and ‘tied the knot’ soon after both were done
Each wished the joys of family…, and planned to be as ‘One’
To be his wife and ‘bride for life’ trumped placing medicine
Before her heart, to learn her art, which meant the world to him

He’d study law at Harvard U, while she’d ‘tend nursing school
They’d make a life as man and wife..., despite their schedule
John Hopkins U, she’d place on hold, while he earned his degree
What time alone they spent at home made for great company

She’d wash his back; he’d wash her hair, and scrub her head to feet
The two would laugh like ‘tiny-tots’…; joy filled their bathroom suite
Some songs she’d sing were ‘heavenly’ and filled his soul with peace
It’d lift him up when he felt down…, gave life a whole new lease

She use to say, “Be strong my love,” if doubt and fear would rule
“You know I’m there, my honey bear – some day… you’ll finish school”
It made his time soo genuine…, so gained he faith once more
She’d know to do those ‘things’ she’d do – his love, did she that for

She’d plan a day; they’d get away – long walks in Bear Creek park
Their picnic plans were in great hands; fun times were their hallmark
While very close, they’d talk the day – time seemed to disappear
The only sounds their ears so heard, were songs the heart could hear


Her routine tasks amazed him so, for all the joys they’d bring
She’d make him lunch, wash his clothes, then ironed everything
The things she’d mind took most her time – he studied for his test
There was no room for compromise to give his bride the best

He finished school at Harvard U - found work at Braggs and Tate
Three children came who bore their name…; the two could barely wait
Sabrina first, Iienna next, then Angelina last…
These children loved their parents so – their parents’ joys surpassed

Sabrina was the oldest girl with thick brown braided hair
With length so long it touched her chest, and skin so olive-fair
Her nails were long, her spirit strong, and filled with much surprise
She warmed the room with her great smile and magic in her eyes

She loved to wear her braids real tight…, pulled back from off her face
Showcase her style, once in a while, seemed very common place
And of the three she was ‘Queen Bee’ - the leader of the bunch
Defend she would, her sisterhood, and eat all foes for lunch

Iienna was the quiet one; her soul longed to create
With olive eyes, her mother's smile, and ‘need’ to demonstrate
Her crooked teeth and chicken legs and silky light brown hair
Made little Queen of low esteem, her daddy's ‘baby bear’

Her calm methodic nature was averse to taking risk
‘Sure-bets’ she’d make for goodness sake like programmed steps on disk
She sought most creature comforts and she didn’t like much stress
Her style, though slightly anal, showed she loved to look her best

The youngest, Angelina, and the smallest of the clique
Was careful, shy, and timid – yet, was ever she so quick
She so mindful and observant, took her lead from sis’ Sabri’
That her laid-back easy manner made for such great company

Her hair was dark and lovely that she’d sport to shoulder length
With gentle eyes that mesmerized, and shown amazing strength
Her confidence was quiet; and her skin soo olive-tanned
And her understated manner made her ‘One much in demand’

The girls had loving parents; each of them loved mom and dad
And there’s nothing that they'd ever wanted for...
Because both had given ‘everything’ - the best they’d ever had
So much so, the girls felt little want for more


Like so many family-weekends, where he'd take them out for fun

To the places where he knew they loved to roam…

Yet on this, a ‘joy-filled’ weekend day, which kept them ‘on the run’

He had fallen fast asleep while driving home.

His wife and three young children were all injured quite a bit
He woke three days from coma - not quite sure what came of it
'I had never seen it coming;' he’d repeat within his head
So, while he lay up in Hospital…, his three beauties lay dead

At sixteen, twelve, and seven - all three killed quite instantly
Yet his loving wife survived the knife and months of misery
When came the news…, she listened - though it would not be too kind
She would lose the use of her right hand, her children... and her mind

They found no place of peace or rest...; he tried with all his might
His sleep had gone; he’d pace the floor, and struggled through the night
No will to eat, his pain complete - reduced to tortured tears
That so many say he died that day – his death… ‘The ache of years’

He would never find his footing - so unsure about himself
That he did not know who 'he' was anymore…
And throughout his many struggles and diminishing poor health
He from time to time would ask what he 'lived' for

Each year that passed reminded, and would drain their weary soul
Filling emptiness and heartache with more grief…
Though the loss they grimly suffered was not what they 'could' control
Still the bond of love between them birthed relief

Through the agony she suffered; you could see love in her eyes
For the man who won her heart so long ago...
Though to find the strength she needed, it’s herself she’d compromise
Giving him ‘her everything’ so ‘he’ might grow

As the years that passed before them, did most slowly wither ‘way
And the joys that were behind them - nearly gone...
Through the summit of their struggles, not a single word they’d pray
For the peace God gives and power to move on

Then the fourth child ‘devastation’ filled a place within their home
And though each spent time together, both now felt so lost and ‘lone
Darkest doubts with no clear reasons soon made misery their friend
And emotions they’d been hiding loosed new pains without an end

Through all his grief, she suffered - sent her very soul to hell
And destroyed her inner zest for life…, how much, no one would tell
Though her eyes would scream ‘I love you’, still his heart was slave to guilt
Yet as adoration for her grew..., so would his 'self-love' wilt

It took so many years to find the strength to love once more
To fill his heart with all the joys that makes life living for
He would never live with all the guilt and learn to love himself
Like his loving wife, despite their strife, and failing mental health

Each year they'd go to see their girls - the place where they would sleep
And bud the tombs of six-foot rooms..., hold fast to the trusts they’d keep
He would often 'cry a river'; and his grief was oddly sore
For, he could not stand with heart in hand..., so wept he on the floor

He willed to die with broken heart and begged God, “Please take me”
Who spared his life and kept his wife... yet did not spare his three
As his horror grew, the grief did to; he felt like half a man
So he'd channel grief and disbelief by ‘working’ as his plan

Each day he'd toil for hours just to give his 'living' wife
The kind of world she always wished - devoid of further strife
So enslaved to grief and sorrow by the deaths of his young three
To himself, he'd now neglected due his wife’s great tragedy

So many years had passed them by; they seemed like such a dream
Time heals all wounds and broken hearts and many ills unseen
As he traded tears for silence from the torments of regret
He had weaned himself from 'weeping'; in exchange - some thoughts forget

Now eighty-some, his time was come; he'd had his fill of life
Tormented years, so marked by tears, etched scars of ‘war-filled’ strife
Self-wounding rage and sleepless days eroded peace of mind
Yet still he knew his ‘tried and true’ - her love, he’d always find

His mind, his thoughts and feeling were foundation to his core
So linked to every child he lost…, he ‘lived’ them that much more
And for every thought of his three doves, it caused him such great pain
That he’d willed himself 'forget' most times to free his soul from blame

He worked for many hollowed years, and all but lost his mind
His lovely wife who was his 'life' seemed strange yet somewhat kind
And at often times he would forget who she was anymore
Yet the woman standing by his side stood fast by him - be sure

He’d look at her; she’d smile at him…, but would not know her name
The bond that grew between the two was never quite he same

If questioned who she was to him - it'd come as some surprise
So he thought to keep it secret so she would not know the wise

The thing about 'this' woman that he found so comforting
Was the ‘warm and fuzzy’ way she smiled that made him 'feel' like spring
So familiar was that ‘feeling’ like some 'picnic in a park
That he ‘felt’ he’d find his way to love… ‘In daylight or in dark’

He kept this loss so private; but it did not take much time
For her to quickly notice things he’d done lacked rule or rhyme
So she turned her full attention to his ‘lesser mental state’
In the hopes that any time they’d left be salvaged from love’s fate

Her day-to-day would challenge with the loss of her right hand
So she prayed to God for guidance trusting in His great command
What she'd ask was so unselfish - all she'd ever hoped to do
Was provide the care and love he’d lost so she could see 'him' through

Her most-secret prayer, ‘un-whispered,’ was to use her hand once more
So she would not be a burden that she'd felt so long before
All her work from giving service seemed to fill its proper choice
Showing thanks for all her blessings seemed the way she found her voice

She had hoped to spend what time she had to care for him and grow
But her prayers, so far un-answered, left her in a state of woe
Yet despite the situation, from her best she'd not relent
Not until she'd found some answer would her soul's heart be content

Her 'un-whispered' prayer 'was' answered by some 'twisted' hand of fate
When an accident that crushed her hand, rushed her to Mercy State
As her doctors, in a frenzy, rushed to save her injured hand
They'd be witness to a miracle so few would understand

Her chances seemed so hopeless; yet they worked around the clock
They formed a plan and saved her hand, which came as their 'great' shock
The past forty years, exact to date - her hand first paralyzed
She was moving ever slowly..., which became their 'grand' surprise

"You will always be 'my' soul mate," she would say - his strong‘Right Hand'
She'd become 'his Living Memory'…, though this she had not planned
All her joys and shared adventures, conversations, how'd they met
How she 'longed' for her companion - she had hopes he'd not forget

Though he present in the body..., he'd been absence in his mind
Now an empty shell most certain with lost thoughts too far behind
Broken vessel, now dependent on his grieving, green-eyed dove
Living 'tween ‘the past and present, lost to all who showed him love

He would never gain his health again; he'd left before she knew
So she felt alone, with no one home, companioned 'thick and through'
Yet she wanted him to know how much his life meant to them all
But he'd sadly ‘left the building' 'fore he ever got that 'call'

So when Nelson died one Wednesday, he was buried by his three
With his dreams, his joys, and all his grief and heartbreak tragedy
All her happy days had ended; and she fought the tears to cry
Loss of love and hope bore witness - loneliness willed her to die

There was 'one' regret Vienna had before she passed away
He had never 'known' forgiveness from the things she could not say
All the guilt and grief he carried drove him from his sanity
And had placed a ’no-forgiveness clause' where his joy used to be

There's a moral to this story that mere words cannot address
It's the subject of 'forgiveness' that should always be 'expressed'
Never let a 'silent' moment or a chance to speak your heart
To the ones that really matter tear your perfect world apart

"Greater love hath no man than to give his 'sanity' for another"

©2009 NDL II


StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 5/14/2012 4:13:30 AM
Powerful, powerful poem here One. Your poetic wizardry is on full display here and how you told this just adds to the emotional impact. The lesson you teach is not to be ignored. Not a good job or even a great job, but a MAGNIFICENT JOB!!!!

writing OneVoice
In search of a computer generated caricature artist. Good references and portfolio. Will ask to see work before hiring and can provide specifics when an agreement has been reached. Send an email if interested.
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Warning: do not view through ‘rose-colored’ glasses… not meant for the faint of heart