THE UNKNOWN
Stuck in the middle
Yet far from the crowd
Not by myself
But noones around
I feel so alone
I don't know what to do
Should i make myself known?
Or stay away from you?
I don't want to be here
Alone in the crowd
But that's how it is
How it is then and now
You think that I'm distant
And i guess you could say
That I'm not close
But i don't want it that way
I want to be right up
In the middle of the action
That would please me
Be my satisfaction
But it is not so
No, instead I'm alone
Sitting next to you
Myself and unknown

Comments:
 
penname   penname wrote
on 6/2/2008 6:56:50 PM
i love this. it's fast paced and gritty. i like the attitude that shines through in this. Advice I was once given...the words, the feelings in this poem are great. make them greater by giving the poem more "form" space, tabs, broken lines... enjambment goes along way. the line, "I want to be right up in the middle of the action... you may consider revising it to read I want to be right......... up in the middle of the action........ it's minor changes like that that give the poem more fluidity. just an example. But its your work and personal style, so when you write/type it...really hone in on writing not just the words, but in the form of how you feel....not just like a run on sentence. I'm not saying this one was that, this poem to me is very good. but just some things to think about.

MuffyMerkado
Poetry
Free Verse
writing MuffyMerkado
Lifes a bitch.
so slap her down and have some fun.
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