THE GAME
I shed a little teardrop
And it quietly hits the floor
All i hear is the Raven echoing
Sayin "Never ever more"
Nevermore will i see your face
Or hear you say my name
Once more I'm just a lonely pawn
In the LiveLoveDie game
You hit the last square before me
Though I wished and wished we tie
So that we'd always be together
Together living, together loving, together we'd die
But now i sit here listening to the theme song
Of this game ringing in my ear
The Raven echoing "Nevermore"
But forever more I'll love my dear

Comments:
 
vwhitlock   vwhitlock wrote
on 6/6/2008 5:44:43 PM
Enjoyed your poem. Unique & a good hook.

penname   penname wrote
on 6/2/2008 6:46:36 PM
this is a wonderful poem. (of course i'm a Poe fan, so the raven and nevermore is excellent) the rhyme scheme works well and the meaning, depth, and tone of the poem are really good. the only suggestion i have is to break it up into stanzas. the poem is very poignant. you may want to try it without rhyme and see how that works. sometimes it gives it a different affect. i think it may be more meaningful without the rhyme...though i like the rhyme, but sometimes that makes the reader predict the next lines instead of being intrigued by the writers unexpected words, images, descriptions,etc. overall a great poem. i really like your sense of style here.

MuffyMerkado
Poetry
Free Verse
writing MuffyMerkado
Lifes a bitch.
so slap her down and have some fun.
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Synopsis
Decipher it however you want. I think it's rather all over the place. the them, however, is that one of a couple died and the other is thinking about it.
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