Zombie Island
Here is a preview of the  Zombie novel I'm writing Z.ff. I want an opinion on how good the beginning and  does it grab the reader?
There I was, hiding out in an old abandon warehouse. It was fifteen past midnight and I was hungry. The last time I’ve been out was about three weeks ago. Because the danger out side had gone from bad to worse!!
            The news reports had said. “Stay in your homes, keep your doors locked and don’t go outside for any reason, unless it’s absolutely an emergency. The President has declared martial law, and has issued direct orders to both police and national guardsmen, that if any found loitering and rioting shall be shot on sight. It was right before the news reports had went off the air and then switch to the emergency broadcast system. Shortly after that, my home was under attack. 
             It all started after the flood. Some say it was terrorist attack.  Others say it was the result of deadly toxin which had accumulated during the flood. There were rumors that a rogue scientist had intentionally poisons the water systems by dropping several vital  containers in which contained a deadly virus. This was a theory given by a Doctor Edward Lee Smith of the CDC, who when interview on CNN had given this assumption. But no one knew for sure of who or what had started it. But it seems once the flood had occurred. Just a few weeks after. People began getting sick.


                                                                       Chapter One
                                                                The beginning sickness      
 August 13, 5:30pm, Jonesboro, Georgia. My wife was one of the first victims who were to get sick. I remember her coming home one  day, feeling nausea and having headache pain. She had to leave work all of sudden, because she was feeling very ill. When she got to the house. She began having seizure like symptoms and vomiting. She thought she had food poisoning. I immediately rushed her to the hospital, hoping she wasn’t going to die. When I drove her to the emergency room. The doctors immediacy came and rushed her to ICU. I was worried out of my mind. They came 20 minutes later to tell me that they didn’t even know what it was. But it definitely wasn’t food poisoning. They told me that she would have to stay overnight. So seeing that this was a serious issue, I decided to call her parents, who lived in Covington.
               When they arrived about an hour later. I immediately saw the suspicion on their faces. It was as if, they knew I had poisoned her. I remember just a few days before, how Lisa complained about having a strange headache. It’s like she felt dizzy and tired all of sudden. I thought nothing of it of the time and figured she was just tired and stressed. It was only a day and a half later when she felt she didn’t want to eat anything.
               Her father Mr. Higgins was a big, stocky man, who’s pure white hair had shined like silver. He was madly concern and afraid for his daughter, as any father would. And despite his age, he was still able to  break my body in half. He ask me, “So when did you notice that she was sick.?” I had told him about the days before. He ask me was I having an affair with another woman. I said to him “ Now what does that have to do with any thing?” He said in a harsh, horsy voice “Because you’ve heard of husbands who have affairs and don’t want to go threw a painful, financial breaking divorce and decide to get rid of their wives instead. You know, like that guy Scott Peterson.” I couldn’t believe he would think such a thing. Of course her father had never really liked me to begin with and he didn’t wanted his daughter to marry me in the first place. I told him “Absolutely not.”
         “You’re not lying to me are you.” I said, “Why would I lie?” “Because lots of husbands who poisoning their wives lie about it. You’re no acception buddy” He looked as if he wanting to hit me. I  begin to feel intimidated. Mrs. Higgins came and gently touched him. “Now honey com down, we don’t know what’s---- But Mr. Higgins had slung his arm free and lashed at me, and then pointing his finger right me in my face “I KNOW YOU’VE DON SOMEHTING TO MY DAUGHTER YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”
               Then Mrs. Higgins had quickly grabbed him. This time with more force “Jack Honey!!“ he pushed her away. I was ready to defend myself, when two big, black security guards came and grabbed him, telling him that he had to leave. Boy was I relieved. But as soon the security guards had escorted both him and Mrs. Higgins out, that’s when the chaos had begun. I saw both doctors and nurses rushing past me heading towards the emergency area. I thought to myself  (well, what the hell is going on? Has Mr. Higgins had a heart attack or something) But then when I saw all of the many sick people that were arriving. I immediacy knew something was fishy. Little did I know, it was the beginning of the Ravenous virus, and it had already began to spread. The hospital was now in an up roar, and the doctors had told me that I needed to leave. So I quickly left, forgetting about my wife for the moment, trusting that she would be fine under the doctors and nurses care. But by the end of the night, the entire hospital was infected.

August 15, 8:30am, Augusta, Georgia. My day began like any other day. Waking up one morning, getting ready for work. It was like when you enjoyed your everyday life, you could feel at peace at every move. Despite how bad the economy was, I still was able to keep my job as a social worker. I was blessed because all around me people were being laid off left and right. Living in Augusta was nice. It was about the biggest city, second to Atlanta in the state of Georgia. We were lucky enough not to get flooded. It was strangely enough, that many parts of Georgia that were never flooded before got flooded. There were no Hurricane winds coming from the state of Florida. It just rained. Rained hard, and it wouldn’t stop raining for over two weeks. There were certain places in Georgia that you couldn’t even drive to because the roads were underwater. So unless there was another way, you were stuck. At least until the water dried. Some schools and many house were flooded. But thankfully we didn’t have that problem in Augusta. I came to worked and did the usual. People coming in, getting their social security cards and so on. I had finished the day rather quite early. It was not until I was about to leave, when I heard the news of the viral outbreak that occurred in Jonesboro at The Bramblett Ridge Hospital.
                        I hurried home to watch the news. I thought to myself. Was this an outbreak of the Swine Flu virus? It was very frightening to hear that this was going on in Georgia. When I Got home and turned on the television. My God the story was everywhere. There were soldiers, helicopters and military trucks surrounding the entire building. They weren’t letting anyone in or out. It was definitely a quarantine. They made sure that the press stayed back, and I don’t think that even a crazed  reporter wanting a big story would risk catching a virus and being quarantine in the process. I reassured myself that I was at a safe distance away. But then again, viruses can easily spread in vast distances in a vast amount of time. All it takes is one infected person to infect a few. Then a  few infected persons to infect a dozen. Then a dozen infected persons to  infect a hundred. Then a hundred infected persons to infect a thousand.
It was that simple. So far, the only reported cases of this sickness outside of Jonesboro was mainly in the metro Atlanta area. This was some scary stuff!!
          I called up my girlfriend Tammy, who lived in Norwood. She was also at a safe distance away from the metro Atlanta area. As soon as I called her, she already knew. I said “Are you watching what I’m watching?” “Yes” she replied. “Michael this is scary. I was talking to a friend on facebook, who informed me of this incident. You know, I don’t really watch television so I won’t know unless I see it on yahoo online.  
“Michael have you been anywhere near the metro Atlanta area? “No I haven‘t” I replied “Good, they say that’s where the virus is spreading.
              I laughed with a smirk. Tammy said, “Michael do you think this is funny? I could fill the frustration in her voice. I replied “Oh no, sorry. I’m just mocking those who laughed and picked at us,  saying that we live  out in the country and are less developed than they are. Now that this virus has broken out, they‘re going to wish they’ve lived out in the country.”
              “You think this is likely to get worse?’ She asked. Her voice was filled with fear and worry, sounding as if she already knew the answer, but wanting to get an opinion from me instead. I said, “Most likely.”
But we didn’t know just how worst things were going to get.

Every atheist must believe in this supernatural phenomena in order to keep being an atheist and any statement of affirmation regarding abiogenesis is a statement of faith, directly on par with the religious statements of faith they so joyously deride. The only difference is the cloak of naturalism that they put over their supernatural belief in order to hide their faith from themselves.


KLHpensil   KLHpensil wrote
on 12/23/2010 4:15:43 PM
The beginning started to grab my attention, but then I was distracted by the mixed up tense. Either write past or resent tense, not both. Correct grammar is ESSENTIAL if you want to get taken seriously.

Novel / Novella
writing MonteMilton
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The Beginning sickness of what will be the Ravenous virus
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