Don't Let Drunk Rattlesnakes Drive
  

There are times I wonder if people aren’t spiritually connected to their vehicles. That would explain why there aren’t more people killed in wrecks. After the things I’ve seen people do in car, my best guess is that our species would be wiped out after two, maybe three rush hours, and after that there would only be those people too young to drive left. Those too old to drive are not found out until it is far too late, but at least they have age to blame it on. The most asinine drivers I’ve ever seen were far too young to have gotten that stupid naturally.

 

I travel east to Valdosta from Quitman to go to work. About half way there, once upon a time, there was a business soon to be known as “Micro-Crack”. The real name was Micro-Craft, but I never met anyone who knew what they were crafting there. It was a mysterious place, indeed. Someone told me they made switches for F-16’s, but who would have thought there were bad jets?

 

So anyway, I would be driving past this place early in the morning and obviously their morning shift began about that time. Their employees were like Japanese Kamikazes trying to get to work. Maybe my math is wrong. But I’m thinking that if you’re oh, a hundred feet or so away from the entrance of where you work, it doesn’t matter if you’re one more, or one less, car length ahead, or behind, anyone else. But these people would dive into that space in front of me and immediately have to lock their brakes to make the turn. One day a guy ditched his car he was making the turn so fast. What in the name of Timothy Leary were these people getting paid? Crack? Heroin? Did the company offer free sex if you got there early? I’m surprised the company went under. Did the employees get killed off or something?

 

That one car length (or more) in front of me is there because I don’t like being too close to other vehicles. Call me crazy, but I figure if you stay away from other cars it’s harder for them to include you in their plans to do really incredibly stupid things. Lane Closures for construction are great places for that space in front of me to become almost like some Holy Grail for other drivers. They must get into that spot before they get to the lane closure. They race at light speeds as they approach that space, and there have been times I’ve had to swerve to let them in before they crashed into me. End results? After all that they are no greater than the length of my truck better off than I, they are going no faster, and they aren’t getting anywhere I won’t be in a fraction of a second behind them.

 

I’ve got this theory that there are a lot of ex-cocaine addict out on the road. What else explains their penchant for that white centerline? Hmm, now wait a second, there are white edge lines, too, but I guess this explains those people who weave back and forth. Then there are those people who stop in the middle of the road, begin to turn, and then turn their blinkers on. And there are those people who will make a turn from anywhere but the turning lane. Yet those centerline huggers are those who scare me the most. All in all, the worst thing that can happen on the road is to be rammed by someone head on. Your speed and mass plus their speed and mass will equal the force of the impact.

 

This is usually bad.

 

We have a guy at work that drives as if his ass is on fire and his head is catching. The fact that he weaves in and out of lanes trying to get past other people leads to the fact that people will pull out in front of him because just a second or so ago he wasn’t in that lane. He actually will follow people around until they stop to confront them about this. One day, someone is going to shoot him. This is still South Georgia. Well armed, in South Georgia, means you’re packing all three types of firearms; handguns, shotguns, and rifles. Most people, both male and female, in South Georgia, can shoot. Hitting a six two two fifty man who is leaning into your driver’s side window isn’t going to be very hard.

 

But it’s not the guns that bother me. It’s the fact there are so many people out there who drive as if they have some sort of invulnerability to the Laws of Physics and Good Sense. I cannot understand why more people are not killed. I cannot understand how people can drive the way they do, and it not scare the hell out of them. It scares me. As a hobby, I used to barehand rattlesnakes. I did this while too drunk to stand up, and invariably I driven to where the snake was found.  But this was back when I was in my twenties.

 

People today drive like twenty year old drunks going to catch rattlesnake with their bare hands.

 

I cannot understand why there aren’t more dead people.

 

 

Take Care,

Mike


Comments:
 
Mike Firesmith   Mike Firesmith wrote
on 5/16/2008 7:43:08 PM
Victoria, Humor is what keeps me from shooting at these people.

vwhitlock   vwhitlock wrote
on 5/16/2008 12:07:03 PM
I had to print a copy of this to take to rehab tomorrow. My Dad will get such a kick out of this one! Your sense of humor cracks me up! "What in the name of Timothy Leary were these people getting paid? Crack? Heroin? Did the company offer free sex if you got there early?"

Mike Firesmith   Mike Firesmith wrote
on 4/26/2008 6:22:52 AM
Photoshop?

seeker561   seeker561 wrote
on 4/26/2008 2:19:38 AM
How does one do this? [IMG]http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj75/schemer561/caronrail021.jpg[/IMG]

Mike Firesmith   Mike Firesmith wrote
on 4/25/2008 3:04:45 PM
Dani, That would be some tail!

12
Mike Firesmith
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Synopsis
A simple rant about bad drivers
A Word from the Writer
And I did iit without mentioning cell phones
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