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I realize that the Internet age has created the opportunity for thousands of people to start their own advice columns.  According to the law of Supply and Demand, which I vaguely remember from school Economics only because of “Drug Wars” (I’m sure you’ve played the game, the one where you are a drug dealer and you buy and sell drugs in different cities because the supplies and the demand made for differing prices in different places).  If only they had just distributed copies of the game in Economics class, we’d have all picked up the idea a lot quicker.  Remember, equate life lessons to buying and selling drugs – something most highschoolers can relate to (and most adults for that matter).  

 

Anyway, back to the point.  I decided that to differentiate myself from the other columns I needed to show some examples of the other lower-quality columns out there.  Hopefully this will increase the appreciation for the work and expertise displayed on this site. This excerpt comes from “The Answer Man”, the self-proclaimed best advice giver on the internet, http://www.theanswerman.com. 

 

 

Ask Jay #9

 

QUESTION:

My best friend just lost her boyfriend. They had been going out for 2 months. It’s been about 2 weeks since they broke up and she is still felling depressed. All she does is sit around a listen to depressing music. Sometimes, every once in a while, she'll have some fun. She is no more fun to hang out with. I told her that she isn't going to be worrying about this her whole life but she still won't get over him.
 - Jess, Age 12 from Nevada on Feb 22, 06

The Answer Man’s Response:

Getting over someone you really like can be hard. This is a good life lesson for her. She'll be fine. These things take time, unfortunately. Even grown people have great difficulty getting past being dumped. On the bright side, when she does get past this problem, she'll probably be a better, stronger young woman for having had this experience. Hang in there!
- The Man

 

Ask Jay’s Response,

Contrary to popular belief, getting dumped is the best thing in the world.  Normal people will go on the rebound, make some life-altering mistakes, and then get back on track of normal relationships a few experiences wealthier.  It is a perfectly natural response to an undesirable circumstance.  For example, I had an unforgettable relationship with a rodeo clown one time after an unusually bad break-up.  Do I remember which girl dumped me and started the rebound?  No.  She was apparently very forgettable.  But that clown, under the make-up, shook up my world worse than a Brahma bull in heat.  Getting dumped led me down the road to an amazing adventure that I would never otherwise have attempted.  I mean, when else are you going to hit on a clown in full rodeo get-up sitting at the bar.  I was so drunk, because I was so broken up (I never drink otherwise), that I couldn’t even tell what sex the clown was.  Actually, looking back, I’m still not entirely sure.

 

Bottom line is that your friend is displaying deranged co-dependency issues.  I would tell you to get her drunk and laid, speed up the whole rebound process (there’s always a rodeo nearby), but you’re only twelve years old so I guess that would be illegal in a multitude of different ways.  So…. I guess get her a class of grape juice, a new Hannah Montana video, some ice cream, and have a nice night in.  Then the next morning unveil a Sean Connery poster and tell her that there are a million fish in the sea and that older guys are more fun anyway.

- Ask Jay

 

 


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Jeremiah P
Journalism
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something witty
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Synopsis
A comparison on the effectiveness of advice column responses.
A Word from the Writer
If you're tired of reading these too bad, I'm on a mission to better the world. Feel free to send me any questions you might have or issues you'd like molested.
Published Date
2/19/2008 12:00:00 AM
Published In
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