Penn. Surprises America: Ask Jay #18

Pennsylvanians Surprise America: Ask Jay #18


Rather than answering a readers question this week I’ve decided it is far more important to expand awareness of something radical that happened in the Pennsylvania Presidential Primary.  I have copied here the entirety of an Associated Press article that clearly explains the event.


Pennsylvanians Votes Fictional Cartoon Character For President

Associated Press


            In a stunning turn of events, the residents of Pennsylvania made a statement with their Presidential Primary yesterday.  Apparently fed up with the bickering between Democratic nominees, the citizens instead rallied a last-minute write-in campaign for one person that they believed had true leadership potential.  In this case, it should be mentioned, the term ‘person’ is being very loosely applied.

            ‘Leonardo’, the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT), won the Democratic Primary by a commanding 15% margin.  The TMNT was a children’s cartoon series popular in the late 1980’s and 90’s, seen also as action figures and on lunch boxes across the country.  While actors are no strangers to the Presidency, Leonardo would be the first fictional minority cartoon character ever elected.  Assuming of course that being a mutant turtle would count towards a minority status.

Leonardo, once the winner of the coveted “Most Popular Ninja Turtle” contest, has apparently once more outdone his primary contender Raphael.  Raphael, the Ninja Turtle known for his sarcastic and surly attitude, came in second place with 25% of the vote.  Trailing Leonardo and Raphael came other fictional cartoon characters, each with a small portion of the overall vote.  Examples include Mr. Burns (from The Simpsons), Bugs Bunny, Gargamel (the villain from The Smurf’s), both of the Fairy Godparents (from The Fairly Odd Parents), and many others.  Behind all of the fictional characters came the two real Nominees, Senator Clinton and Senator Obama, each tying with 4% of the vote.  It should be noted that with both Nominees coming in with less than 15% neither will receive any delegates from this primary.

            When questioned after voting, many citizens had similar reasons for their choice.  Said one Pennsylvanian, “Leonardo is honest and a good leader.  Plus, he could probably track down Osama Bin Laden if he really wanted to.  I wouldn’t want to be Osama if Leonardo is elected.”  While it is technically impossible for a fictional character to win a presidential election, despite the fact that he did take most of the Pennsylvanian delegates, many voters thought that Leonardo would indeed make a good choice for President.  Another Resident said, “At least we wouldn’t have all this back and forth between Candidates.  Leonardo would ignore them until they crossed a line, then he would kick their butt.  No more cheesy debates, they’re boring anyway.  Who watches those things?  If Leonardo gets in, it would be like a pay-per-view fight every time.”

            Whatever their reasons, it is obvious that the prolonged contest between the two Democratic Nominees has worn the country’s patience to the breaking point.  When cartoon ninjas get voted over party nominees, without any active campaigning, than something needs to change.  If Senator Clinton or Senator Obama really want to win their campaigns than they need to take up the issue.  Or at least take up martial arts.



p.s.  In case you hadn’t realized, the Associated Press had absolutely nothing to do with this article.  Also, the Primary isn’t until next week… not that I’m advocating a write in campaign or anything.

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An important event in American Politics reproducted here.