Dreaming of Dora - Ask Jay #13

Ask Jay #13

 

QUESTION: I babysit this little girl sometimes and she won’t fall asleep unless I put on a Diego or Dora DVD.  If I turn it off during the night she’ll wake up and freak out.  Should the parents be worried about their daughter having her subconscious warped by these shows in her sleep?  Didn’t the CIA play with that kind of thing for brainwashing foreign agents and to try to quit smoking? – Worried in Colorado

 

Yes, the CIA did indeed try and quit the nic habit unsuccessfully.  However, I have a feeling the FBI pulled one over on them, inter-agency hijinx and all that, because all the sudden the CIA was fluent in Russian.  To turn the linguistic fluency into an asset the CIA then started the cold war.

 

While this kiddo in question is probably not a Russian agent in disguise, there is some danger in leaving Dora and Diego to subvert her developing brain.  Did you know that if you play “Dora: Adventures with Mermaids” backwards there is a hidden message?  Dora quite obviously is saying “Eeber, bla me say ekil.  Invest in Disney. Aloh.”  Also, there’s probably hidden phallic images on the cover.

 

There are also a variety of ways that Dora could influence the kid’s future.  Just imagine what could happen if the kid becomes a bomb technician?  Disarming a bomb suddenly becomes a little hairier.

Tech 1: “Hi everybody.  Can you tell me which wire is the red wire? … ”

Tech 2:  “For God’s sake, man!  It’s that one!”

Tech 1:  “You’re right!  This wire is the red wire!”

Tech 2:   “Cut the wire!  There’s only ten seconds left!”

Tech 1:   “Ten!  Can you count down from ten with me? …  In Spanish?”

Tech 2:  “CUT THE WIRE!”

Tech 1:  “ … No, silly.  We start with Diez!”

Bomb:   “boom.”

 

On the other hand, matter could be worse.  She could be addicted to Ren and Stimpy (is that show still on the air?), Sponge Bob, Barney, or even Lamb Chop.  She could have “The Song that Never Ends” hard-wired into her tiny brain for the rest of her life.  What kind of psychological torture would that be?  That’s what the CIA should have been using against suspected foreign agents.  Play that song in their cells 24 hours a day and they’ll be begging to confess.  Far, far worse than water-boarding.

 

You know which song I’m talking about, right?  “This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend.  Some people starting singing it, not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…” repeat, repeat, repeat, etc.

 

Yeah, that’s the gift that just keeps on giving and giving and giving.  If you’ve ever heard it before you’ll be thanking me for the next couple hours.  Enjoy, courtesy of Ask Jay.

 

 


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Jeremiah P
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Synopsis
Ever worry about all those shows your kids watch? Jay is worried too.
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