Ask Jay #6

Ask Jay #6

 

QUESTION:  Hey, Jay, why ain’t I getting’ any, it’s Valentines Day?

 

Well, I have to admit, through an alcohol-induced-haze, that I might not be the best person to ask for advice on this matter.  After all, I am sitting here at the computer, rum-and-coke in hand, reading and replying to reader’s emails.  Am I a loser or what?  Truly, I am in a class of my own.  Almost.

 

Secondly, congratulations on being the first black pioneer on this website.  How do I know that?  The contractions.  That’s a dead give-a-way.  (I’m kidding, it’s a joke…)

 

What’s the big deal about getting laid on Valentine’s Day anyway? *pause to take a drink*  I mean, not everybody is getting some sweet-sweet loving tonight, right?  There is a set of lingerie upstairs waiting for a beautiful woman (my wife) to fill it, but that woman is stuck at work until an ungodly hour (I’m in the military, an ungodly hour can be as early as 8 p.m.).  So here I sit, all lonely hearted, waiting and waiting for the woman who will make all the Valentine’s Day jewelry an investment that pays off rather than an empty expense.  *Drink*  I thoroughly recommend a vital reinforcement of Rum and Coke.  I should mention that while Captain Morgan does not in fact sponsor me (or Coke for that matter), I have been courting such a sponsorship for some time now.  Captain Morgan is my own St. Valentine.  I’m sure he’d be willing to be yours too (I smell a new advertising campaign).

 

Another thing to remember is that you aren’t alone in your 2008 Valentine’s day virginity.  I’m sure there are thousands of prostitutes who’d be more than happy to make your evening.  Whatever town you are in, I’m sure there are several available.  Walmart has roses at five dollars a dozen, that aught to grease some wheels, metaphorically speaking. 

 

Whether you are enjoying your evening as I am, *drink*, or if you are enjoying it in a more traditional manner, just remember that lingerie is cheap and so is “love”.  Diamonds, however, last forever… or at least the credit card charges do.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone from the staff of “Ask Jay”… ie. Me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments:
There are no messages yet
Jeremiah P
Journalism
Editorial
writing Jeremiah P
something witty
Bookmark and Share

You must log in to rate.
Rating: 10.0/10

Synopsis
Another "Ask Jay". Will he ever stop?
A Word from the Writer
Happy Valentine's Day
Published Date
2/14/2008 12:00:00 AM
Published In
MySpace
© 2014 WritingRoom.com, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
WRITING | POETRY WRITING | CREATIVE WRITING | WRITE A BOOK | WRITING CONTESTS | WRITING TIPS