Ask Jay #5

QUESTION: “In what possible way do women find the line "I've just never thought of you that way" a passable shootdown?”

The problem is that remarks like that aren’t passable, decent, or even remotely humane.  But that doesn’t matter because it gets across the point that you aren’t going to get any and that apparently this woman has so little concern for your opinion that she’s not even going to sugar coat it a little bit.  So what do you do then?  Return the favor.  You just say, “That’s alright.  I think of you that way all the time.”  Then wink and walk away.

Here’s a little secret, women can dish it out but they can’t take it.  A woman dumps you for some guy who looks like her brother and you’re broken up for maybe a week, until your buddy hires a new secretary that earns extra pay by exotic dancing, but that’s it.  On the other hand, you tell a woman that she’s put on a couple of pounds and you’re doing her roommate, she’ll be on anti-depressants for years. 

So the next time a woman shoots you down in a callous manner, here are some replies you can give that will clearly illustrate how disappointed you are in her lack of common courtesy.

1. Raise your voice and point a finger at her, “Hey!  I know it’s difficult for a rich doctor to find dates, but I can do better than a transvestite like you!”
3. When she grins and says “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.”  Than you just sigh dramatically and say “Thank God I can drop the charade.  I’m gay, I was just going to try and help you fix your fashion sense.”
5. “Oh, sorry.  I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression.  I sell fat-pills and wanted to set up an appointment with you.”
7. “Jay was right, from this angle your tits are really small!”
9. “Damn!  Well, do you have a friend who’d be interested in being sodomized in the back of my van?”
11. “Oh my god! That’s not a pimple!  It’s HERPES!”
13. “Don’t worry, I’m aroused enough for both of us.”
15. “It’s because I’m white isn’t it?  You’re a racist!”
17. “Don’t blame a guy for trying.  I mean, you look easy.”
19. “Oh good, I thought of kissing you there for a second and had to repress an urge to self-immolate.” 

These phrases won’t necessarily repair the internal damage caused by rejection, but they will make you feel a little better and possibly speed up the healing process.  That’s right, get back up on that horse, Cowboy!  There’s plenty of fish in the sea, plenty of pebbles on the beach, plenty of stars in the sky, etc.    And thank your deities everyday that you live in the USA, only about three of these women out of every hundred has an STD.

Happy Hunting!  Dr. Phil, eat your heart out.

Jay