Ask Jay 4

QUESTION:  Why does Oprah tell everyone what to do?

The short answer is that she is a wonderfully successful woman who would be a perfectly good role model for any American.  She's someone that embodies everything that Americans stand for, mostly money.

Ok, now that we got the B.S. out of the way we can get down to the real answer.  Bottom line is that Oprah is obviously an alien.  And by alien I do not mean some sneaky Mexican looking to subvert the American workingmen and women, I mean a real life grew-up-on-an-asteroid-in-some-distant-galaxy alien.  Like ray beams and hovering saucers and anal probing aliens. 

Have you ever observed the common human being?  They work menial jobs, eat fast food, and practically live on the couch.  Those are real human beings.  Then compare that to "people" like Tiger Woods, Oprah, Bill Gates, and most of the actors on Lost.  They are far too successful to be of the same species as the rest of us.  Human beings are almost never successful at anything, they don't have the drive.  Aliens are obviously slowly integrating into society, becoming industrialists, politicians, and yes, talkshow hosts.  No need for a violent take over, they just show up and with a little drive far out produce all of us humans.  Have you ever heard about how 10% of the population on the planet makes 90% of the money?  Ever wonder why?  Aliens.

Now, they haven't completely taken over yet.  Look at Bill Clinton, one of the few non-Alien presidents we've had in the past twenty years.  He's obviously human, no question about it.  At first, I suspected that Barak Obama was an alien because of Oprah's endorsement and then I realized that she was trying to cast suspicion on him… Therefore Romney is the non-human.  Or Hilary, a human would have dumped Bill a long time ago.

Back to Oprah, the reason that she's telling everyone what to do is to develop the pattern of obedience.  She starts out seemingly benignly, "Hey, look under your seats.  There's a SURPRISE for you."  Next thing you know it's "Hey, drop your pants, we have a SURPRISE for you!"  Will the alien fascination with the human anus never cease!