Ask Jay #2

Due to lack of requests for advice in the past week I've decided to steal some requests from the respectable advice columnists.  I might not be a qualified therapist, or even a particularly good example of a human being, but I am nothing if not resourceful.  

Ask Jay 2

QUESTION: Should a parent try to force a child to eat?

Absolutely.  No question about it.  And when they finish cleaning off their plate?  Get another one.  What, they're full?  Get out the two-inch thick belt that is a fond reminder of your own childhood beatings.  After the first use you won't have to use it again, just pull it off the hook on the wall and the kids will get the idea.

Why am I so certain that children should be force-fed until their tiny bodies are bloated and splotchy?  I'll tell you, that is after all the job of an advice columnist.  The answer is simple, bulimia and anorexia are so 90's.  They aren't in anymore.  Now, if you want your kids to fit in at school, on the playground, and in their failed sport outings, than they had better be obese.  Fat is beautiful.  In many countries, like those in Africa, women are physically attracted to overweight men.  This is because it is a sign of wealth, they have enough money to buy more food than they need, and therefore they would be good providers.  Kind of like driving a beamer in the good ol' U.S. of A.  You want your sons to get girls don't you? 

And what's the incentive for the girls, you ask.  I, as any good advice columnist would, will answer.  Have you looked at online porn?  I mean, really looked, like I have?  Most of these sites are all about 'bountiful' women or pregnant women.  Since I'm not going to advocate teen pregnancy, putting on some golden pounds seems like a good alternative.

Bottom line is if you want to be a good parent you will be giving your kids liquefied double-cheeseburger shooters with every meal.  For additional information refer to the McDonald's website for quality nutritional facts.


 NOTE: No advice on this site is actually advocated by anyone.  Direct all related lawsuits to MySpace and writingroom for giving this psycho an avenue to corrupt the minds of millions of naïve and easily influenced people in the world.

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Jeremiah P
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Published Date
2/1/2008 12:00:00 AM
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