Book Project thing- Chapter 1- part 1

    The red sun radiated light and heat down upon the silent and still world. It traveled through the cold, ragged mountains of the north, and illuminated every sheet of ice into a glistening perfect picture. It traveled through the blistering sands of the southeastern deserts, riding along with the dry winds that beat upon the lifeless skulls of the unfortunate men exiled there. It traveled through every crevice and crease between the bright leaves, elegant trees, and crumbled ruins of the western forests, granting life and bringing every organism into motion, spurring the insects to awaken and start their days. It traveled through the southern valleys, reflecting off of the racing rivers, making them seem, from above, a blinding and awe inspiring light in their own, but in a much more graceful fashion. It traveled into the central plains, lighting various wheat crops and puzzle-like stone roads that littered the country-side. It traveled into the kingdom of Vorniston, across every tavern, merchant, and city folk who attempted to try and make an honest living in a corrupted society. It traveled through the King and Queen’s beautiful yet potent castle, and across the powerful arc that covered its entrance. It traveled and punched every stonecrack along with walls, in an on-going battle between which nature and man fought.  It seeped through the cracks of every window, and of every archer-slot on every defensive tower, trying to light what was covered in darkness. Most of all, it traveled to Christophe, who’s heavy uniform and sensitivity to heat was already too much for him to handle.


 Etienne peered over at his friend in a complexion of pity and humor. Christophe’s face was a bright red, painted with a determination that only the best of the Royal Guards could muster. Weariness was setting in, however, for, every few seconds, Etienne noticed his long eye-lashes converge together, and then quickly split open again as his good friend tried to avoid falling asleep. Etienne felt quite fatigued as well, with the long and uneventful days that guard duty presented. Hours in the hot summer sun often chipped away at his stamina, even if he was just standing around checking who was entering and leaving. He was assigned the longest of shifts, because his captain believed he and his friend were the only people who could handle such a long day. From the minute the orange sun rose, to the second it set back behind the horizon, he had to stand in front of the most important doors of human history, where dozens of men and women a year attempted to breach them and murder the King of Vorniston. To create chaos and kill society, he thought bitterly to himself.


Often Christophe and Etienne spent their days together in pure silence; not becausethey were bitter, but because they simply spent so much time together that there was little to talk about which wasn’t brought up before. The two were like brothers. Some might have mistaken them for blood-brothers, if not told differently. There were few contrasts between the two, the main being Christophe’s short, curly hair (which by now was drenched as it ever could be) compared to Etienne’s longer, straight, and softer hair, which had a slight flip in the back-right side. Both of their hair was the same bright brown color, however, even with the same blonde highlights that each ray of sun blessed them with. Another contrast, though small, was the body structure difference, with Christophe being slightly taller than his counterpart and atad more slender. His head seemed misplaced on his body, being slightly larger than the average human male, which added an almost child-like sense when one first laid eyes on the young man. Etienne was the shortest of the pair, with a bulkier build in his shoulders and thighs, and a slightly longer face, which made his head seem more proportioned as oppose to Christophe. However, these contrasts could simply be put aside by watching how the two acted together, for it was obvious the two were raised in the same home since youth.


As sure as the two moons of Lunis would rise as soon as the sun set, Christophe’s body couldn’t take the heat. Etienne watched the other man flinch as a hot summer breeze hit him like a battering ram, and his wavering legs the castle gates. Etienne advised him since early afternoon to take off his heavier plating that covering his chest and legs, but Christophe refused, and then continued to scoff at Etienne when he did so. Though taking off your uniform on guard duty was not necessarily against their written code of conduct, it was discouraged. The captains wanted their men to look as professional as possible, especially when there were outsiders coming in and out of Vorniston.


Another strong and blistering breeze passed hard, and Christophe began to waver. Etienne watched as his friend’s eyes rolled up, seeming to disappear behind his eye lids. His right knee buckled under the unconscious man, and Etienne watched, almost as in slow motion, as he collapsed over. His long hair twisted around in the air, his arms flailed backwards, and, finally, his chest hit the hard concrete that paved the entrance. Etienne couldn’t help but chuckle slightly to himself. If fainting during working hours was the general idea of “professional”, simply because his uniform was in-tact, the captains needed awake-up call. Reality, however, struck him like an arrow in the back when heard the heavy ‘clunk’ of footsteps not too far behind the door. They echoed in his ears like they would in a cave, as it would in any royal guard’s ears. As a royal guard you learned to recognize the occasional signs of danger and delight. Some were quite obvious, but some were a bit vaguer on whether or not it was a positive sign. In Etienne and Christophe’s case, these ‘clunks’ were a very bad sign, for they belonged to the heavy and oversized boots of the head of the royal captains, Captain Geoffrey.


   Panic hit Etienne like the waves crashing on a beach. He started to sweat, partially due to the heat, but also due to the images that flashed through his head, which were of what would happen when Captain Geoffrey caught Christophe“sleeping” on the job. His mind raced around ideas to awaken his fainted friend. Judging by the loudness and space in between each ‘clunk’, Etienne formulated that he had a little more than forty-five seconds. Clunk, clunk, clunk. His eyes swept the area for tools, and immediately, the turned to his beloved spear, which rested against the wall three or so feet away from him. He shook away his ridiculous idea, and sprinted over to his friend, removing his boots, his steel plating,and his chainmail. Clunk, clunk, clunk. He brought his hand back, and forced it back down across Christophe’s face. Christophe’s lips twitched, and then his mouth popped open, revealing a dry tongue that stuck out the left side of the hole in his face. Etienne slapped him continuously and vigorously, but his passed-out partner replied only by his head slamming back and forth on the concrete. Clunk, clunk, clunk. Etienne panicked. His spear, which had seemed such an inane idea before, seemed more pleasing, as its sharp tip imitated the stars in the sunlight. He dashed over to his post, grasped his spear, and hurried back, stumbling a little over his boots on the way. Grabbing his weapon, with the smooth, wooden shaft pointing downwards, he jabbed his friend’s side, releasing a small grunt from his lips. Still, there was no response from the other guard, whose face was still flushed from the heat. Clunk, clunk, clunk. He formulated again in his head, estimating that he had about ten precious seconds before his superior arrived and set up their death sentence. Frantically, Etienne tossed his spear high into the hot air, flipping it around with precision and skill that obviously showed rigorous training. Now his trusty tool in his hands withthe spear tip facing downward, he braced himself for Christophe’s hostile reaction. Thrusting down into his side, Christophe’s eyes widened with horror and shock, letting out a small squeal of pain.


Moonrose   Moonrose wrote
on 5/19/2010 3:53:14 PM
Hahaha I'm sorry, but I hope you intended to make me laugh at the end... I was holding my breath and laughing at the same time. >.< Lol but like I told you before, I love the introduction and how you introduce the people and the land like that. One thing, though, if you're looking to improve this: I know it can be a bit of a challenge sometimes, but try to draw out the description of your characters more. Try not to give the reader ALL of the information in one paragraph; if there is such a strong bond between the two, that isn't something that can simply be told, it's something that has to be shown indirectly to the reader for them to fully realize just how close these two are. Otherwise, good job! ^.^

Novel / Novella
writing Gorudu
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This is a project I started up recently... It is the first two pages to my un named novel that I will be naming when I feel like it. It is about two guards, Etienne and Christophe, along with their friends, who venture forth on a religious crusade to find The Great Spirit, the deity of Vorniston. Along the way, they uncover... THE TRUTH! (Yeah I know, it's a cliche, but hey, just enjoy the journey there...)
A Word from the Writer
Please tell me what you think of this... I want to know whether or not this is something I should just drop, or if there are enough fans out there who would want me to continue. If I do continue, I'd add two new pages once a week at least.