Selling a House
By Elton Camp
Put a sign into the yard.
Shouldn’t be very hard.
My house is just the best,
Far above all the rest.
For sale by owner sounds so easy
Though strangers make me queasy.
For appointment you must call
Even to see my house at all.
You should see me grin
When all the calls begin.
Each of them will then quickly say
“How much for your house today?”
Tell them what the price.
“Oh, that’s so very nice.
I’m your neighbor next door
Wondered what it’s going for.”
Or for a house I have no need
Just like real estate signs to read.
Compare your price to mine.
To know if I’m out of line
Give tours to those who ask
In their fake interest bask.
“I like your house just fine
And want to make it mine.”
“Call back in a day or so,
Please don’t let it go.”
“Then pay something down”
Always brings a sour frown.
From the “buyer” hear no more
All will stay just as before
Never really meant to buy
Just took a chance to spy.
Time comes to work with pros
There are plenty of those.
“Sell your house quick as can be
And for such a reasonable fee.”
It’ll be my true delight
To have exclusive right
When your home I sell,
I’ll be doing very well.
Open house we hold today
For it you must go away.
Put it in a spotless state
Very high it will rate.
Everything at the showing went well.
More hot prospects than I can tell.
One comes for second look
Trust me, he’s no crook.
When he comes back,
Quickly begin to pack.
You’ll be moving out
Without a single doubt.
Sorry, but he said “No dice.”
Least not at asking price.
But he did proffer
A low ball offer.
Your furniture has to stay
Accept his price this very day.
He’ll give only a week
Another home to seek.
And to avoid defection
Got to pass home inspection.
If any problem should arise
Must be fixed before he buys.
Earnest money he will pay
Not over $500, no way!
If the deals goes off the track
He must get every dime back.
Oh, did I mention
It’s his intention
That the roof be made new
And his list of jobs to do?
Of course you pay the closing cost
If not, the sale is sure to be lost.
And give money to redecorate
Your carpet and paint they truly hate
The deal is one you sure must make
For my own commission’s sake
Don’t you dare try to stall
Lucky to get a sale at all.