Selling a House

By Elton Camp

Put a sign into the yard.

Shouldn’t be very hard.

My house is just the best,

Far above all the rest.

For sale by owner sounds so easy

Though strangers make me queasy.

For appointment you must call

Even to see my house at all.

You should see me grin

When all the calls begin.

Each of them will then quickly say

“How much for your house today?”

Tell them what the price.

“Oh, that’s so very nice.

I’m your neighbor  next door

Wondered what it’s going for.”

Or for a house I have no need

Just like real estate signs to read.

Compare your price to mine.

To know if I’m out of line

Give tours to those who ask

In their fake interest bask.

“I like your house just fine

And want to make it mine.”

“Call back in a day or so,

Please don’t let it go.”

“Then pay something down”

Always brings a sour frown.

From the “buyer” hear no more

All will stay just as before

Never really meant to buy

Just took a chance to spy.

Time comes to work with pros

There are plenty of those.

“Sell your house quick as can be

And for such a reasonable fee.”

It’ll be my true delight

To have exclusive right

When your home I sell,

I’ll be doing very well.

Open house we hold today

For it you must go away.

Put it in a spotless state

Very high it will rate.

Everything at the showing went well.

More hot prospects than I can tell.

One comes for second look

Trust me, he’s no crook.

When he comes back,

Quickly begin to pack.

You’ll be moving out

Without a single doubt.

Sorry, but he said “No dice.”

Least not at asking price.

But he did proffer

A low ball offer.

Your furniture has to stay

Accept his price this very day.

He’ll give only a week

Another home to seek.

And to avoid defection

Got to pass home inspection.

If any problem should arise

Must be fixed before he buys.

Earnest money he will pay

Not over $500, no way!

If the deals goes off the track

He must get every dime back.

Oh, did I mention

It’s his intention

That the roof be made new

And his list of jobs to do?

Of course you pay the closing cost

If not, the sale is sure to be lost.

And give money to redecorate

Your carpet and paint they truly hate

The deal is one you sure must make

For my own commission’s sake

Don’t you dare try to stall

Lucky to get a sale at all.