On Buying an Elaborate House

On Buying an Elaborate House


By Elton Camp


It seemed there was no reason why

An expensive house not to buy

The banker didn’t make a frown

If we were paying nothing down


It was just fine in his eyes.

“House prices will only rise

You will never come to hate.

A mortgage at adjustable rate.”


Income will grow each year

Means there is nothing to fear

If payments should get too high

Just sell and make another try


Or you may just simply phone

To arrange for home equity loan

That enormous asset you can tap

Never become some clueless sap


Never will there come to be a day

When we will take your house away

Though when you are old and gray

The mortgage balance is still to pay


But that won’t be a financial curse

Just put the mortgage into reverse

Out of shape you mustn’t get bent

Reading the conditions in fine print


Put full trust your friendly adviser

We will keep you none the wiser

For each irresponsible deal I make

It means a commission I will make


And a small house for you won’t do

A McMansion is necessary for you

The type of house you knew as a child

Would embarrass and drive you wild




To live in a cottage or a tiny place

Would now be thought a disgrace

You deserve to give yourself a treat

And have at least 3,000 square feet


Minimum bathroom are three or four

And of bedrooms, you need even more

Don’t let the high cost make you stop

From having a fine granite counter top


And to be happy, we also do feel

Appliances must be stainless steel

No matter how much must be paid

Cabinets should be the highest grade


A big screen television is not enough

Lacking media room would be tough

Keeping room, bonus room, three car garage

All these should be real, not just some mirage


This very wise selection also you should do

Reject any house that is without a water view

And one more necessity that is even better yet

For a seawall, dock and cabin cruiser go in debt


We now see it was those days of such wild excess

That brought the US economy to a financial mess

To our shock and utter dismay, finally came the day

When for our financial folly, the piper we had to pay

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