In Praise of Captain Kirk

In Praise of Captain Kirk

 

By Elton Camp

 

Look!  He just saved the Federation again.

Captain Kirk, virtuous indeed, free from sin

A man whom we could only admire

And hope to desk he will not retire

 

Promotion always avoid for the reason

Starfleet admirals are known for treason

Would not want to hear about Admiral Kirk

Because then, like the rest, would be a jerk

 

We are so glad that it stays good in his eyes

To remain captain of starship Enterprise

Where he travels the galaxy at warp speed

Arrives within days wherever there is need

 

Travel around that fast and time slows down.

When they return none they knew are around

While they were on speedy spaceship ride

All their friends of old age will have died

 

He and crew never seem to fear at all

Inertia will splat them against the wall

“Inertial dampers” are keys to success

How they do work, we can only guess

 

But let them get into a space alien fight

Dampers then won’t keep them upright

And “Brace for impact,” he will cry

With inertial dampers don’t see why

 

Despite the power the Federation seems to wield,

Cannot learn how to keep strength to the shield.

“Fore and aft shields are failing, Sir

Due to phaser shots from that evil cur.”

 

To agree not to make an invisibility cloak

When all others have it is a foolish joke

Such a decision we just have to chide

When Warbird appears on the port side

 

 

 

Transporters move them quick as a wink

They nearly always remain in the pink

Their atoms would never get back into line

Except “Heisenberg compensator” works fine

 

Captain Kirk has the greatest love for his crew

Hard to understand a thing he will always do

Takes on missions Ensigns wearing red shirt

Knowing full well they will soon hit the dirt

 

In that future, we all can see

Have achieved racial equality

Uhura is the crew’s token black

But half her uniform does lack

 

Spock or McCoy on the bridge never prance

Wearing skimpy shorts instead of long pants.

How glad we are that they do not

Unlike her, they are far from hot.

 

Duty well done when she has spoken,

“All hailing frequencies are now open.”

But chance Captain Kirk did not miss

To give her the first TV interracial kiss

 

Viewers offended at shocking sight

“That kind of thing is just not right.”

When it happened, I would just bet

Ku Klux Klan folk smashed their set

 

New lifeform may be a talking lizard

Have magical powers like some wizard

But no matter from where they sprung

Will find English is their native tongue

 

Kirk and bridge crew avoid strife

Not a one of them has taken a wife

But never think it might be wrong

To alien females to come on strong

 

We are not left with a speck of doubt

Prime Directive Kirk knows all about

What he has agreed and sworn to do

To avoid violation, lose life and crew

 

 

But when there is an episode plot to explore

That oath he does throw right out the door

Even though a court martial he should face

Stripped of command, sent home in disgrace

 

But a thing like that will never be

Next time, save the galaxy you see

Captain Kirk has the most important chore:

“To go where no man has ever gone before.”


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Synopsis
"Here I am to save the day."
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