It is so evident now.

It’s so plain as day that I’m mad at myself for not recognizing it, as it is, before now.

Things will never be what I thought they would be

What I needed

What I still long for

Because now I see things as they really are

For what they really are

For what this really is.

This is YOUR relationship

Not ours

And because it’s YOUR relationship

You’re doing it YOUR way

By YOUR terms

Based off YOUR needs and desires

And that alone trumps all others.

It doesn’t matter to YOU that you’re continuing to hurt me – knowingly

It doesn’t matter to YOU that YOU tell me “we’ll be fine” when YOU are doing nothing to stop this

It doesn’t matter that I’m making strides to be the woman YOU need and deserve while YOU change nothing

It doesn’t matter to YOU that my feelings and hopes for a happily ever after are being crushed further by each passing moment

All that matters here really is YOU

And YOUR wants and needs


More and more I’m left feeling like a responsibility and even, to a degree, a liability

It makes me wonder why this is all being drawn out when in so many ways YOU continue to make it evident that YOU are not happy

Why do YOU keep this going?

Maybe YOU want to keep some image going

Maybe YOU feel some need to keep this charade going

And all along, I’m feeling excluded from YOUR life while still going along with YOUR act.

My feelings are left out

My wants are disregarded

My needs are ignored

Somehow, this must all fit into the big picture of what YOU see as right, in YOUR eyes

But it’s not fitting into mine


I told YOU so much about me and my past because I thought I could

Because I though YOU were so different from the others

Because I though YOU wouldn’t judge me on it

Because I thought YOU would give me the love and affection I’d been looking for all these years

As with so many other things in my life

I was wrong about YOU

YOU told me about that book YOU read

Said it talked about loving people the way they want to be loves as opposed to how YOU think they want to it

That statement must not apply to me

Why should it?

Nothing else has

Why should I have expected my relationship with YOU to have been any different?

Why was I so stupid?

More importantly, why was I so stupid, for YOU?

Why did I think that with YOU things would be different?

Because YOU were older

Because YOU seemed more mature

Because YOU seemed to have a better understanding of heartache and pain


Now I know

YOU will forever be YOU

And until YOU learn to love me with the same intensity that YOU love yourself

We’re just wasting time



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