Watching television the other day

   Actually made me think

All these new drugs out state up front their side effects so that you

   know the possible risk

You can buy a car and get its history to learn of any underlining

   problems or issues not evident to the bare eye

From a call to a toll free number you can find out everything you need

   to know to choose the right dentist

It made me think of men

  Those I’ve dated

  Those friends have dated

  Those I’ve chosen to run from

I started wondering

  Why men don’t come with this cautionary info?

Then my mind REALLY started to roam

  To what those ads would look like


When they’re young – teenagers

  I think it’d look something like…


Will provide great entertainment & much laughter; can be a

great friend, companion & confidant; will gladly assist with

any sexual experimentations desired.


WARNING:  May cause extreme emotional heartache while

exposing you to all the things your parents fought to keep you

from; possibility of causing you to make decisions you’ll regret

later; risk of a lifetime connection after only 2 minutes of sexual

contact with a penis less than 5 inches long.


Somewhere in their 20’s

   Sometimes even into their 30’s

   As they teeter on the brink between juvenile and grown man behavior

We’d get ads for men like…


Will say all the right things at just the right times; may be

extremely romantic including cards & flowers just because,

expensive gifts and lavish weekend getaways; will be great

with your child(ren); will lay pipe like a jackhammer hooked

up to a brand new, fully powered generator – all day,

all night


WARNING: May cause distress when found that he says

the same things to other women; high risk of declining finances

and/or bad credit after discovering your gifts and trips were

paid for using your ATM & credit cards; will cause utter disgust

when realized how he ignores is own child(ren); will cause extreme

emotional anguish upon learning that you’re not the only one

getting all that good pipe.


By the time they’re in their 30’s

   Certainly by their 40’s for the late bloomers

When they’ve fully entered the realm of manhood

We’d get ads like…


Will not only combat loneliness by providing great

companionship but, in many cases, are seriously ready

to settle down in a committed relationship; most have

learned the benefits of hard work and health insurance;

less likely to play the same old games; still enough fire

inside to lay quality pipe – if only for 10 minutes.

(Note: May require Cialis or Viagra towards the end

of this phase.)


WARNING: May be a great provider but will still cause distress

when he frivolously spends large sums of money on hobbies such

as cars and electronics; may cause annoyance while he keeps a calendar

to track his “days to retirement” and complains of rising

insurance cost; may cause you to realize he’s found some new spins

on the same old games; may cause sexual frustration as you

hit your sexual peak and he’s on his decline; heavy dose of ego

stroking may be needed while he battles his erectile dysfunction.


Once they hit their 40’s and 50’s

   Things can go a few different ways

You might see an ad like this…


Doesn’t want any fuss or trouble and actually prefers to be left

alone; has found a corner of his home that he can call all his;

looking forward to the days of retirement, seeing it as a

time finally for him; soon to become cantankerous;

has resigned himself to the fact that he’ll

either have to pick up his oral game or continue to assault

woman in his life with his deflated member.


If we had warning signs like these

   There’d be no need for shows like Cheaters, Maury & Divorce Court

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