The Representative

I used to love a man

Who loved to love me baby

And he had no problem showing me in every way possible

This man I used to love

Showed me a level of passion, romance & affection I’d never known

In some of the simplest ways ever

This man used to talk with me

Not TO me…..but with me

Giving value to my thoughts, ideas & opinions

Not just listening to me

But hearing me & appreciating my words

This man used to be so affectionate

I couldn’t be around him without his hands on me some kind of way

Any kind of way

Every kind of way

And I loved it

This man reminded me that it was safe to love someone

And that I still deserved to be loved

He made me realize that negative experiences & relationships of my past

Were just that

The past

This man made me believe in a future

In the possibility of a ‘happily ever after’

With him

When I’d given up hope

Thinking happily ever afters only existed in the Golden Books of my childhood

This man I used to love

Allowed me to enjoy sex again and made me feel comfortable with dropping my inhibitions and being exposed

With him I allowed the whore within me to reveal herself

And he embraced her and loved her too

Regardless of how vile and nasty she got

This man I used to love

Used to love me utterly & completely

He made me believe in myself again

He made me believe in possibilities

He made me believe in him

I believed him when he said I could trust him

I believed him when he said he would never hurt me

I believed him when he said I could depend on him

I believed him when he said he’d always be there for me

His back against mine as we take on the world

I believed in him

I never would have thought

            And still find it hard to believe

I was putting all of that belief

All of that trust

All of that love

Into a representative

His representative

Not really him

But just a part of him

The part he wanted me to see

To know

To love

He kept hidden the real him

He let me find out on my own

That he’d lie to serve his own purpose

I found out on my own how little my feeling really meant

The hardest part though

Was finding out that the person I loved so much

Didn’t love me the same way

I really do miss that representative

And I’ll hold on to the memory of him

For as long as I live

Because even though I didn’t have him long

For the short time I did

I knew love

StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 12/1/2009 4:48:00 AM
This one touches the heart and the deepest part of the soul. All was given only to find out it was a lie. It took courage to write this and even more courage to live it. Great job in your expression here.

jlew1973   jlew1973 wrote
on 11/23/2009 10:48:05 PM
Heartbreaking to read, but beautifully stated. Besides the content, I like your style. Upfront. Almost narrative, but still with a poetic flow. The ending is powerful. You told this story well, but I know it wasn't easy. I hope writing this is a salve to your soul and spirit.

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