I need to release.
I need to get this build up off of me
and I've got a lot of it.
From the bus that was 20 minutes late causing me to be nearly an hour late for work
to the co-worker that comes over to say 'Hey, good morning' loud enough to wake the dead when I'm trying to slide in unnoticed.
I really cant stand my co-workers sometimes.
I need to release.
When my boss tries to rip me a new one for processing my work "wrong" only to look dumbfounded when I show the the email that SHE sent telling me to do it that way.
And when her standard response of "I told you that changed. You must have forgotten to write it down" comes, I know that she's simply covering her azz.
I need to release.
When my commute home is filled with school kids who are a mixture of dangerous ignorance and raging hormones.  When I see girls wearing clothes 2 sizes too small with all of their assets exposed for the world to see and mouths that sound more like drunken sailors than young women.
And the boys.........omigod
They're either thugged out and so hard that they feel every moment is a test of their thugness or they're wearing what should be their sisters' tight clothes while taking delicate steps with sashays that'd put Mae West to shame.
I look at the girls thinking I wish my daughters would
and at the boys wondering who my daughters will bring home one day.
I need to release.
I get home to the place that's supposed to be my sanctuary just to experience the most profound ignorance of my day from those who mean the most to me.  It is here that I feel this build up threatening to explode
And it will
I feel it
After my youngest tries to explain - with another lie - why she's late coming home from school.
After my oldest calls home telling me all the reasons she needs to stay at her grandma's house for the night when the truth is she wants to be on the internet and phone all night and I dont play that but grandma's do.
After the man who's supposed to be the love of my life sits in front of me and texts with the new woman who's becoming the love of his life.
I need to release.
It's almost too much
I'm standing on the edge
As I move through the house cleaning up behind everyone
I'm on the edge
As I'm washing the dishes so that I can cook while folks give me suggestions on what they'd like me to make
I'm on the edge
While i'm moving from room to room fussing about everyone doing as they please leaving me to pull shyt together and work everything out
It's too much
I cant take it anymore
I need to release
I go searching for my tools
My favorite tools
I need to release
I've been on the edge and fussing so much it's not hard to find a quiet place alone
I need to release
I need to release
I close my eyes and let my mind go
    My co-workers....who lack subtlety
    My boss....who shuns accountability 
    The slow azz CTA busses and it's sometimes sickening array of riders
    The kids...who more & more are looking like a lost generation
    My kids....who I try to keep from that path
    My man....who shares his heart with another
My release is an explosion
Favorite tools in hand
    My journal & my pen
I erupt on paper
I release my build up
I release my frustrations
I release my disappointments
I release my sorrow
I release those things that I held on me
Those things that sat on the tip of my tongue but I chose to hold
I release
and feel like a whole new person
like a weight has been lifted
like i'm ready to face tomorrows' round of bullshyt with a smile.

jlew1973   jlew1973 wrote
on 11/23/2009 11:07:37 PM
Another winner. You speak the truth so directly but it's still pure poetry, just raw, and real. Straight with no chaser. I dig that. As a man, I could never pretend to understand how you feel, but your writing takes me as close as possible. And as for the journal? WAY TO GO! Journaling is so powerful. It allows us to be free, expressing what we can't/won't/shouldn't say out loud. It's also a great tool to improve your writing. No don't change your voice or style. Just keep improving on the way you express yourself. Take cues from your world for different ways to say things. Look for ways to engage your reader by making him/her "work" a little. Dig what I'm saying? Say enough, but keep something from us to make us go "OH! I get it!" You'll get and keep readers of your work that way, if you care or want that. Just words from one writer/poet on the path to a Diamond that's not so rough...and I want her to shine brighter still! ~John

on 11/21/2009 4:56:33 PM
WAY TO GO! Please keep writing with smile. I believe "Bullshyt" will make you grow as a better woman, a better mother, a better human, as a better writer.

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Rating: 9.5/10