Solitary Illusions (work in progress) comments?

Solitary Illusions

I finally awaken:
Falling into the clouds of a serene world
Is this place an illusion or is this place my new bliss?
Clouds pass by me while I float in the sky
Cold rain dances on my face caressing my every line.
And as this willow weeps for bitter dreams of love and despair,
Neither will our spirit be broken nor our souls repaired.
All transparencies are lost in my cloudy dream
So long have I lusted for this very moment
To cherish, from ashes to dust…

Continued by Elijah Ham blin:

Only to behold the silence
From which, as I weep, is again turned to dust
Fallen, my love, into a vast ocean of black
I raise my hand, heart hardened for what it is I lack
With shroud to cover those by which I see
My soul, withdrawn, from this chided spirit flees
I’ve given test to every blatant sin despaired
And in return, my heart from within me tears
So calloused are these words I implore to my God
Forgiveness, I pray, and upon my desires he would trod.


 


Comments:
 
Brandon_the_Decaying_Ocean   Brandon_the_Decaying_Ocean wrote
on 7/29/2009 8:56:41 PM
everyone who has commented Elijah and i made this a song in our band we are in the decay of creation it makes a little more sense when there is brutal music between the words

lindsay   lindsay wrote
on 3/24/2009 10:24:07 PM
Great job Brandon. I loved everything about it. Your words flow beautifully. Your metaphors are descriptive and vibrant. The theme of the poem is perfectly painted and I love the structure.

penname   penname wrote
on 3/22/2009 6:49:31 AM
yes this is great. the art to fit the words so nicely without them seeming forced is excellent. outstanding job! the final two lines are superb.

Brandon_the_Decaying_Ocean
Music and Lyrics
Other
writing Brandon_the_Decaying_Ocean
Hi everyone I'm Brandon I love to read/write may it be lyics or poems! I'm a current vocalist in a progressive metal band and love inspiring writings! The kinds of writings that help this world as we know it go round! Any comments would be nice! Don't be shy! thanks

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