It Was Necessary

It Was Necessary

It was necessary to eat; otherwise, others would’ve eaten. It was necessary to kill; otherwise, others would’ve killed. It was necessary to see; otherwise, others would’ve seen. It was necessary to believe; otherwise; others would’ve believed. It was necessary to be fierce; otherwise, others would’ve been fierce. It was necessary to move; otherwise, others would’ve moved. It was necessary to hear; otherwise, others would’ve heard. It was necessary to give birth; otherwise, others would’ve given birth. It was necessary to breathe; otherwise, others would’ve breathed. It was necessary to be strong; otherwise, others would’ve been strong. It was necessary to be stronger; otherwise, others would’ve been stronger. It was necessary to be smarter; otherwise, others would’ve been smarter. It was necessary to be painless; otherwise, others would’ve been painless. It was necessary to live, otherwise; others would’ve lived. It was necessary to understand the pressing necessities; otherwise, others would’ve understood the pressing necessities. It was necessary to recognize the necessities; otherwise, others would’ve recognized the necessities. It was a necessity to keep them to myself; otherwise, others would’ve kept it to themselves. It was a necessity to outsmart them; otherwise, they would’ve outsmarted me. It was a necessity.

It was a necessity. Not because I chose it to be a necessity. Not because I wanted it to be so…although, I don’t claim to dislike it. It was not a necessity because I elected for it to be necessity. Instead, it became a necessity because of mere chance. And it is a necessity that "chance" rule—albeit, only from time to time. And this is the necessity that I have understood. It was necessary to go through this. It was necessary to shed the tears. It was necessary to see into the future, even through the eyes of the present. It was necessary. It continues to be necessary, it will always—as far as my limited intellectuality persuades me—it will, was, and is always necessary to go through this. It was necessary that I push my mind beyond its limits. It was necessary; otherwise, others would’ve pushed their mind beyond its limits. It became increasingly necessary. It was necessary that I feel it was necessary. It was necessary because to do the things I feel I’m destined for, in fact, the things that I feel I destined myself for; I needed to feel it was so…I needed to feel it was a need, not an option. So it was necessary. It remains necessary. I don’t know how to change this. But maybe this too is necessary.

It was necessary. So, I’ve created a monster. So fat. So homicidal. So visually empowered. So faith-filled. So fierce. So active. So audibly empowered. So multiplicative. So biologically perfect. So strong. So much stronger. So smart. So much smarter. So painless. So eternal. So introspective. So recognizant. So greedy. So competitive. So understanding of the most intricate needs for its survival. This is the monster I have created. This is the monster that the perceived necessities created. This is the monster that the necessities can kill. This is the monster that is a necessity. This is the self inflicting, self-creating, self-perpetuating, self-fulfilling, self-indulging, self-judging, self-destined, self-cannibalistic, self-proclaiming, self-centered, self-egocentric, self-contended, Self, which now lies within and without me. For this monster has Destroyed, or, rather, Created me. And thus. I stand before you, Understanding, or, rather, Not Understanding. Who I am. But then again.

It Was Necessary.

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