Untitled Writing
Too late again for sober thought
Of what's passed by or what I've sought.
Shadows chase me once again
Black my past, dark my men
From lifetimes lived under other names
Cast aside to shed the shame
Of dawn invasion on innocence
That leaves me suspended in suspense.
Fabric of memories I wish to cast away
Like the label of yesterday
But imprinted still upon my mind -
Tableaus past I can't rewind
The harder I battle to forget
The more entrenched and stubborn-set:
The images I wish to wipe
Crept upon me in the night,
Some thoughts made me bend and curl,
Like plastic fish when but a girl,
In horror and in sharp distaste
At the arsenic with which such thoughts are laced
And others: too sweet is the draught,
Albeit poison, I wallow in wafts
Of vapours, none too good for me -
Of adolescent flattery
And yet again I forge the link,
To the crimes of him I force a wink,
For the links of his chain, strong they be
And I can't break them easily.
Yet though at times, I shatter their bond
I'm drawn back to him through memories fond
That come to me in sinful dreams
That waken longings. Nostalgia teems
Within my heart, within my flesh
And I begin to yearn afresh
For what, I never can define,
For love I have, true love is mine
Nothing could that love replace,
In value, it could but debase,
And yet my mind runs wild with him
Who toyed with my girlhood on a whim
What is it I want? I'll never know
Except that painful memories go!
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Synopsis
Despite speculation - the poem is not autobiographical - but stemmed from a dream which I then elaborated upon using fiction to embroider my own experience for effect. Poetic license I believe.
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