The beginning
  I can feel the shadows creep
between us, with silence
that screams into my heart.
Things unspoken gnaw away
in our minds that won't cease thinking
Poison. To seep into the muscles
of our love, not old and frail,
but vulnerable still to a force
outside of us, breathed in and
festered in the darkness that remains
in secret nooks in which we venture rarely
for fear of what we'll find
deep within the heart of our minds.
Oh - let us find the light!

Comments:
 
BlueIris   BlueIris wrote
on 7/31/2008 12:35:18 PM
Eerie and desparate. It held me riveted until the end; then I read it again.

StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 7/31/2008 12:00:17 AM
This poem exudes a subtle yet powerful truth. Love is never easy and there are those shadowy things that will creep in and do it's damage silently at first. It is always good to find the light, before the darkness of hell breaks loose. Another good one!!!

Moqui_Takoda   Moqui_Takoda wrote
on 7/30/2008 11:33:21 AM
pure free verse here ... line 6 beginning with a capital letter on word 'Poison' with a period carved into wood. Next line begins with a preposition which is against the law, but it is a stupid law and i break it all the time and any good poet will tell you, and, in this case, you tell them, take yer dumb prose laws for they become pointless in the paint and swirl of poetry. Line seven scurries at the front, then a ceasura with a comma again carved in wood, then stretches out into a nice certain stride again. Line 8 is lovely, period. You might consider the plaintive final line worth a look. Title goes nicely with it, but, you might consider a more understate final line, as the restof the poem is strong and out front and doesn't need the strong flow of the final line, but more, strong, deep and short stroke of finality of wanting to begin anew... ex: comma end of preceding line, then ... something like: a baby light ... oh well, just a thought, also line 5 as a transit to word 'Poison' in line 7, you might consider a shorter, smoother line with a nice brutal chop: ex. 'in our minds, a ' ... just a thought. good stuff!!!

Anyafay
Poetry
Free Verse
writing Anyafay
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Rating: 10.0/10

A Word from the Writer
written July 29th 2008
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