My Friend
  My old friend, you desert me not
Even when truer friends are near
Even though those I love, love me true
And everyday; you, oh you are here.

I've questioned why, bu know I dare not ask
Those close to me,
who'd sharp recoil
If I told them you remain
And I do not wish to spoil    

Their belief that they fulfill me
When I know you take their space
With your bitter emptiness
That follows me through time and place

Tugging at the corners of my sail
Forcing me to seek affection after affection
O why can't I be still?
Such nourishment is sweet at first
Yet in minutes it is gone

Oh who am I? My sense of self
Is somewhere in the wind
The song of lonesome breezes
Hummed on voices skinned

Of all identity and focus on desire.
For you: my friend, my foe, my woe,
You call them out to sea
Leaving all which is themselves
As you have done to me.

Comments:
 
Anyafay   Anyafay wrote
on 8/7/2008 3:36:18 PM
Are you saying that I should get rid/integrate the fifth lines?

Moqui_Takoda   Moqui_Takoda wrote
on 8/7/2008 2:43:13 PM
author notes say you just wrote this probably ... your rhyme scheme is full of true rhymes, but you may also use 'slant rhymes' (leaf, bear/ leaf, fire) ... it not required that ballads have sound rhymes ... just an fyi .... it is the traditional approach, but not required not even way back when ... the rhymes are good and crisp, the format is nice looking except line five which you lengthened to keep 4/5 line format ... it looks clunky ... the thematic elements are well done and with a little bit of smoothing here and there this is a heck of a good poem, ballad or not. which it is oO)) ... Moqui

Anyafay
Poetry
Free Verse
writing Anyafay
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A Word from the Writer
written August 2008
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