Down

  Dark shadows falling
Hostile light, begone! Want to
Sink down forever.


Comments:
 
StarPoet   StarPoet wrote
on 7/29/2008 12:12:46 AM
Again, your simplicity is your beauty. Rock on!!!

AshesofLilith   AshesofLilith wrote
on 7/26/2008 4:06:41 PM
Again there is a subtle genius in so very few words. I agree with Moqui.

Moqui_Takoda   Moqui_Takoda wrote
on 7/26/2008 2:23:50 PM
I agree with penname ... also, ... i can read it as it is a good thing to know that the source of shadow is light, and not darkness; yet the 'Want to' can mean that to know a thing you must have reavealed to you its essence of shapes and the distance that light lofts high behind it .... so yes, i can read it the other way, that there is a beauty in the darkness given by light around a lovers face or around anything you wish to understand and the deeper you go the better, and on and on ... this is fine work, don't read haiku much, but love the cinquain which is the english answer to the haiku's japanese orientation of syntax and diction, for in Japanese the haiku is smooth as water flowing through the mind, but in English because of this problem of syntax and diction, the haiku is usually clunky and charming but not beautiful the way it is meant to be ... most haikus because of this do not read as smoothly as this one ... very nice, very very nicely done

penname   penname wrote
on 7/26/2008 7:23:04 AM
i love this. and the line "hostile light, begone!" is great. I like the fact you used the exclaimation point there. great simplistic meaningful poem. haiku

Anyafay
Poetry
Haiku
writing Anyafay
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