To find 'freedom' one only need seek 'service...' - service to those in need. If you wish to 'breath'... be willing to 'give' your breath to those who can not themselves breath. If you wish to swim to safety... exercise your muscles and work through the hurt, the ache, the agony and the pain - you'll live. Perfection is only borne of the fire of sacrifice for others, suffering for the good of humanity, and the desire to work toward a good outcome. Allowing oneself to escaping to the 'Arms of Ease' makes one' slave' to weekness, despair, confusion and continued suffering. Freedom is truly yours - open the door and walk through

Such sadness but you express it well. The desperation is touching and moving. You put it in a way that wants the reader to offer to help you. A very good writing when this happens.