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WritingRoom Author Greg Crites
There is an almost unbearable pain needling my fingers as a result of these overabundant scribblings. I must lay down my pencil, my engine of truth, and bathe my crippled hands in some warm water. Ignatious Riley; Confederacy of Dunces: John Kennedy Toole
Date of Birth 04/01/1908
Gender Male
Location Tennessee
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    • I was raised by itinerant vacuum salesman along the rim of the dustbowl territories in New Guinea. I grew up large and strong achieving some notoriety as a cattle wrestler. I then settled into an occupation as a wood tradesman and have been known to whittle entire oak trees down into a life-size replica of an acorn. These fetch upwards of ten dollars and can be seen inside display cases in finer truck stops across America.

        • I believe I am among the greatest living writers and would prefer you purchase my books. However, some credit must be attributed to my influences, so John Kennedy Toole, John D. MacDonald, Christopher Moore, Dan Jenkins, Carl Hiaason, Tim Dorsey, the usual suspects.

          OH! OH! OH! I just noticed while prowling the site that Jon Land is a member, so in a thinly-veiled attempt at, er, uh, sphincter-kissing I must add his name. I actually have Blood Diamond around here somewhere. Read it several months previous. I can't locate the book as it has been covered by several hundred more since then and is no doubt secreted as a foundation of the mighty wall of words surrounding my desk. A wall I trip over when going for coffee. Yet, I seem to remember a heroine plays a central role. Tara? It escapes me. I believe she or her reluctant partner were Mossad. Oh well, I remember it as an enjoyable read. Enough sphincter-kissing. I've groveled enough today. I'll purchase the new one and resume fawning later.


        • Sin City

        • AC/DC, Rage Against the Machine, Rammstein

        • None. I don't own a television.

        • Frank Miller, Lobo, and the greatest comic of all time... Groo The Wanderer by Aragones.

        • Ogden nash

        • There hasn't been a good one since H.L. Mencken died.

        • www.veinarmor.com

        • Angus with AC/DC

        • "Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it political? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor political, nor popular - but one must take it simply because it is right." Martin Luther King, Jr.

        • I'm 6'4", 220 pounds and love rum, redheads, and writing. (in pretty much any order)

        • I collect old vacuum cleaners.

        • I have an inventory of eight completed novels.

          A brief description of each follows.


          CRUSADE
          Eighty-thousand words confirming my first-class e-ticket to eternal damnation

          Hunter Thompson searched for the American dream, and to his cynical amusement—found it. The characters in Crusade think they've stumbled over its bloated, rotting corpse, and have packed their nostrils with cocaine to blunt the stench. A drug-fueled journey by two deranged journalists into the morass of organized religion. Cornholery, snake handlers, faith healers, serial killers, sarcasm, blasphemy—good, clean, American fun.


          BLUETOOTH BAYOU
          A 64,000 word offering in the currently popular terrorist genre.

          Willy, a defrocked PI is offered a substantial sum to oversee a business tracking down web spammers. Things take off down a dangerous path when his brother, a computer genius, and cockroach aficionado, inadvertently uncovers something larger than spam. They face Russian gangsters, Government thugs, and various contract killers while trying to unravel an explosive plot to terrorize random citizens across the globe.


          HARD BOILED HEADLINE
          A completed 63,000 word suspense/humor novel

          A gang of unusual newspaper men, take a large payment to start a newspaper during election season and unseat a corrupt counties' crooked officials.


          DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Something Porcine This Way Comes
          A completed 63,000 word humor/horror novel set in Florida and Brazil. The first book in a trilogy.

          Dunkin, a 450 lb vampire slayer has been around a long time. He has plenty of secrets behind his body's girth or 'Vein Armor' as he calls it. An accident brings Dunkin together with several slightly dysfunctional characters. Together they go on an undead hunting expedition that starts in sunny Florida and works its way down the Amazon in South America.


          DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Death Rides a Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
          An 83,000 word humor/horror novel set all over the world. The second book in a trilogy.


          DEVLIN, ABNORMAL INVESTIGATIONS: CASE FILE: THE HELL HERMIT
          A 63,000 word humor novel.

          This is a spinoff of a character, named Devlin, from the ‘Dunkin, the Vampire Slayer’ series. It's a ripoff of X-Files, featuring a near indestructible alcoholic vampire, with few socially redeeming qualities, a wolf, a chimp and a few other offbeat characters.


          NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT
          A 63,000 word science fiction novel.

          The indolent life of a wealthy, cynical, wisecracking talk radio host is invaded by a huge, garrulous interloper who claims to have invented an amazing device. Together they start a company based on his invention. When this technology becomes public, everyone wants it and are willing to do anything to get it.


          ZANE SICKLE: COMIC/ADVENTURER FOR HIRE
          Sixty-five-thousand words of utter nonsense!

          I produce a novel every two months, with proper medicinal supplies. If someone famous dies in a tragic vacuum cleaner accident, and you need a quick 50,000 words of slander, send cash—I'm your man.

          If you've read this far, and I don't have a check yet, I'm concerned we may not be able to work together. Are you sure your high school guidance counselor did not lead you astray?


    •  
      RaymondSpringer   RaymondSpringer wrote
      on 6/13/2009 9:45:42 PM
      I invite you to join the new group called Fiction Novelist. It will be interesting. Ray

      phantom   phantom wrote
      on 2/18/2009 11:54:45 AM
      I am contacting you because I need your help. It will be almost complete soon, however, the forums are up and running now. I would love to start generating traffic to my site. I would appreciate it if you could jump start my site by being someone who registers and post on one of the forums. A few people have started posting, but I really want to get more to utilize the site and post and ask questions and offer other advice. Nobody will know that it is you posting any comments. You can be as anonymous as you like. That is the purpose of my site. It is meant to have people simply generate topics or questions that are important to them without fear of anyone knowing who they are. Nobody accept me will see your email address. You dont have to post about relationships. So far that is what people have posted about, but you can post about anything related to the forum topic. I honestly dont know how the relationship topics got posted, but it is all good! The site is not 100% as of yet. Some people I have asked to join the site have joined but not posted. The more people join and post as well, the more a community gets started. The more people can interact even if it is by an email every now and then. The games are not running and the free downloads are not yet available, but the forum should be working fine. So when you get a moment, I love to have you and others join the forums so that I can start getting traffic coming to my site! This will be good for me because then I could see if there are any glitches I don’t know about. Thank you in advance for your support. Trust me, I don’t know what I am doing, this is my first website, but I would love to start a community of people that are interacting from time to time on it. My website is www.tecoawashington.tw or www.tecoawashington.com Thanks again, Tecoa

      debby   debby wrote
      on 7/23/2008 9:31:12 AM
      Your writing is so entertaining. Looking forward to more!

      mnpilot   mnpilot wrote
      on 5/5/2008 2:38:56 PM
      Thanks for the words of advice man!!! I'm getting published now!

      mnpilot   mnpilot wrote
      on 4/28/2008 2:08:29 PM
      you are an amazing man

sphincteria
Author
writing sphincteria
There is an almost unbearable pain needling my fingers as a result of these overabundant scribblings. I must lay down my pencil, my engine of truth, and bathe my crippled hands in some warm water. Ignatious Riley; Confederacy of Dunces: John Kennedy Toole
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